BOWN 3DMXMAS CONTEST REVIEWS XMAS

Please note that in the end it turned out we weren’t meant to do categories so those aren’t actually in the movie

————

Nosette

Hello everyone it’s me Bown writing my Christmas contest reviews on January 4th! That’s not great, schedule-wise, but at least I’m not four years late with an awards movie or six weeks late with saying who won a vote between two guys.

The first entry is by Nosette, a member who has recently become active after apparently originally joining in 2021, and takes the form of a music video for the Weird Al original Christmas at Ground Zero. Despite quite a lot of default scenery use, this depicts the events of the song in some very amusing and creative ways with strong visual gags. The custom scenery is decent when it is used so it’s a shame we didn’t get more of it. But overall this is a very solid start!

Humour: 4/5
Scenery: 2/5
Animation: 3/5
Creativity: 3/5
Overall: 12/20

————

Patryk

The last time I reviewed one of Patryk’s entries I supposedly made him cry, which doesn’t seem like one of my proudest moments. He messaged me (unprompted) on Christmas Day to tell me that he still fucking hates me for that and to let me know that this entry is better. All he needs to have done for that to be true is have made an actual movie, so I’d say we got a 50-50 chance.

At first I misread the title as “Santa vs the Irish” and I was like classic Patryk but it’s actually The Grinch. Anyway, uhh, Patryk really put his whole ass into this, with some moments of animation and title design that you can tell he put real effort into (I put an extra point into creativity because I thought the main title especially looked really cool). But hey, it’s still a Patryk movie, so it’s also full of annoying voice acting, terrible humour, overly loud music, random references to internet people nobody has any idea who they are, and some truly diabolical pacing. There was a poster on Santa’s wall that I swear is something I made about Bobby Swisha over twenty years ago. Absolutely insane deep cut. Paper thin story and a truly nonsensical amount of references to/depictions of Santa fucking his wife before of course an unnecessarily long credits sequence where he calls Foone and Pogo slurs and puts me in the Fuck You category along with that discord server that got him to drink his own piss.

This is one of Patryk’s best movies ever! Well done, Patryk. Now please stop trying to contact me on various internet platforms.

Humour: 1/5
Scenery: 2/5
Animation: 3/5
Creativity: 3/5
Overall: 9/20

————

Toonsville

You know him, you love him, you…..it’s Toonsville! Our old reliable bestie has delivered a whole narrated Christmas fable where a young homosexual boy named Jack helps save Santa after an evil snowman shoots his sleigh out of the sky. It’s full of everything we love from him - okay scenery and animation, TTS voices saying the most bizarrely-structured sentences you’ve ever heard, and pure wholesome fun. In the end, Jack takes Santa to his friend’s Christmas party and they dance with what appears to be a beastly alive teddy bear. Perhaps there is more to uncover in this universe….

Humour: 2/5
Scenery: 2/5
Animation: 3/5
Creativity: 3/5
Overall: 10/20

————

LT

This is pretty low-effort, but I do think it shows a decent sense of pace, and honestly, you can get away with a lot when you put a sick song like Money for Nothing in there. It feels like maybe this was originally made for/put on LT’s website, so I checked to see if it was which would disqualify it obv, but he took all the advent calendar stuff off, so now I’m just mad I got tricked into going to LT’s stupid website. Therefore, this gets zero in every category.

Okay, I’m not really going to do that.

Humour: 2/5
Scenery: 2/5
Animation: 3/5
Creativity: 2/5
Overall: 9/20

————

Old Rivers

Rivers has credited this movie to one Ride of Your LIFE Entertainment, and truly watching this was as much of a rollercoaster-type experience for me as the actual rollercoaster I was on in the company logo. First of all came the early suspicion, wondering how abruptly the joke entry would end. Then some happiness at realising the good scenery was actually continuing. Then a feeling of peace as I enjoyed this heartwarming depiction of festive camaraderie in a Midwestern town. Then, finally, tragically, the kicker. Well, it was fun while it lasted. Very funny that even the abrupt joke entry was handed in nine days after Christmas.

Humour: 1/5
Scenery: 4/5
Animation: 4/5
Creativity: 3/5
Overall: 12/20

————

Cabineet the Keet

If this is just Cabineet’s silly last-minute joke entry, the longer one must have been a real banger. This is short but very sweet with great animation and a very funny twist. All the little things like the thought cloud move nicely and the credits made me laugh. Just sorta a lil funny likeable thing.

Humour: 4/5
Scenery: 3/5
Animation: 3/5
Creativity: 4/5
Overall: 14/20

————

kevinorsomething

Finally, from the young 3dmmer with the most potential to actually grow up a well-adjusted adult, we have kevinorsomething’s Christmas in Atlanta. The movie presents a pretty dismal view of its titular town, with it appearing to be naught but crack dealers and the addicts they supply, but Kevin actually lives there, so I’ll take his word for it. We follow two small-time gangsters working for the imaginatively-named Big Boss Terry who accidentally snort heroin and generally get in a jam. There’s a healthy dose of Outkast in here, which is only natural. Tonally it’s mostly a drama with some strong comedic moments, especially in the line deliveries. It might be a little dry, but it’s a solid and well-made Christmas story with a lot of heart. It also isn’t as racially insensitive as one might expect, unless you think white men doing voice acting for black characters is inherently problematic, which after watching this movie all I can say is it definitely is when Rivers does it at least. I was also asked to voice this character and oh boy am I glad Rivers replied faster or something.

Uhhhh that’s the end! Cool contest!

Humour: 4/5
Scenery: 4/5
Animation: 3/5
Creativity: 4/5
Overall: 15/20

[kevinorsomething]

Hello Bown. I'm Kevin.