Share your hospital stories

[Kane]

So, I'm just back from an unsuccessful surgery, and my first ever surgery. I'm Agoraphobic and was due in at 7am in another City, so my nerves were kicking the shit out of me the way there and all morning/some afternoon inside the ward - staring blankly out a window with a mask on is not a good day. My surgery ended up being last too, so 3PM-ish.

The Nurses noticed that my nerves were beating me and they were lovely, chatted, calmed me down, that helped a fair bit. Buuut the moment I ended up in the surgery room, my breathing became erratic and my legs started shaking uncontrollably to the point that I tried to pin them down with my hands. 99% sure I had a panic attack there and then.

I was told typically they ask you to count down/up 1-10 (and normally hit 3 before passing out), instead they manipulated me with conversation about work and how things were going. They hooked me up, hit me with the gas and I continued speaking, it seemed to take a while for me to actually lose consciousness - then the time disappeared.

I woke up around 4pm, perfectly coherent, no confusion/nausea/sickness. The surgeons were surprised at how quickly I adjusted. Food was awesome. I was up and walking within 5 minutes or so. In a bit of pain, but plenty of meds and gauze to help.

My butt hurts. Annoyingly, the surgery didn't work and I have to go in for an MRI, then further surgery. Again, I'll likely be dreading it nearer the time.

Any of you guys had minor/major surgery? What for and what was your experience?

[Jokyfoot]

what's wrong with your butt?

[Kane]

Peri Anal Fistula or 'Perianal Sinus', assuming it's the same thing (don't google that shit, trust me). Normally it's a tunnel with an internal/external exit that fills with bacteria causing abscesses and often cancer. Issue is, they couldn't find the internal wound.

I'm pretty certain it's originating at the bottom of my spine because I can feel it with my fingers, so MRI should clear it up.

It's not pleasant

[Jokyfoot]

I'm not really the type of guy to be superficial about my appearance or anything, but I saw an ad from a plastic surgery clinic that was giving away free plastic surgery. They were testing two different facial injection fillers that are used to lessen nasolabial folds (smile wrinkles) in the face, they would inject one side of the patient's face with one type of filler, and the other side with the another type, and compare the results. So I called immediately and set an appointment for the next day.

So I went in to the office and the first thing I noticed was that all four of the receptionists and assistants were gorgeous, they all had huge amounts of plastic surgery, and they all had a kind of barbie doll look to them. They were wearing respectable clothes but I could tell that they had perfect hourglass bodies too. They were very flirtatious with me, the energy of the place was more like a college dorm room than a doctor's office. I mean, they were all laughing and apologizing to me for their bad behavior and lewd jokes.

After I had filled out a bunch of paperwork (basically just releasing them of liability), I waited in the operating room for two seperate doctors to examine my face to see if my wrinkles were deep enough to be accepted in the study. The first and main doctor was really interesting. He was in his late 50s, and had a Johnny Carson way of speaking that made everything seem funny. And since all four of the receptionists/assistants had decided to hang out in the operating room, they were laughing at every other sentence he spoke. I guess he was trying to seem charming to them, while reading me a list of things that could potentially disqualify me from the study.

he asked
"have you taken any medications in the last month?"

I said
"well....I have a prescription for medical marijuana"

and he was like:
"oh that's great no problem, that's perfectly fine."

and the one of the assistant burst out:
"oooh, bring us some!"

I had considered letting them know that I had some in my bag, but figured that couldn't lead to anything good.

Then he had to look at my face and judge from 1-4 how bad my smile lines were, I had to get a "3" from both doctors in order to participate in the study. He wrote down a 3, and then coached me on how to make them look deeper before the next doctor came in, he told me to hold my head down, and how to angle it to the light. Then he walked out.

A few minutes later a younger doctor came in, didn't really say much, and just looked at my face for a few seconds while I was obviously and ridiculously tilting my face to the ground and looking up at him. He then wrote a number on the paper (probably a 2). One of the girls let out a sigh of disapproval, and said "ugh, you know what that means right?"

The doctor was caught off-guard, he looked around the room and could feel the bitch stares from all the girls in the room.

Then she said "are you sure it's not the lighting?"
He looked at me again, paused, and said "yeah....it's probably the lighting." Then he changed his number to a 3.

One more thing had to happen before I could be given the green light for surgery. About 1/5 of the qualified candidates were assigned to a control group, meaning that they would get no surgery and just used as a reference as to how a normal healthy face changes over the length of the study.

So they went into the other room to compute a random number that would determine if I were to be in the study group of not. A few seconds later I hear a loud "YES!!" and one of the girls comes back into the operating room to give me the good news that I would be given surgery.

The 1st doctor came back in, along with all four assistants, and told me to lie back on the bed. He told me that after each injection I had to lift my head up and mark on a scale, how much pain I felt. The first side was pretty painless, the doctor made it really comfortable by talking the entire time in his charming humorous voice, especially with all of those women in there. My nervousness was just enough to keep me from laughing and messing up the procedure. I wrote "no" pain on the scale cause I didn't really feel any pain.

The doctor was complimenting me on my easy-going-ness of the whole thing. He was like "wow you're really a trooper, I can tell that this is going to be an easy experience for you"

and then BAM.
He put the needle in the other side of my face. Much deeper, and he injected much more liquid. I suddenly got a chilling feeling that he was endorsing one of the products and was purposefully fucking up of one of the sides to give I negative results in the study (maybe he was being well paid to do so). I became terrified but just laid there. He continued injecting slightly deeper on that side, and like a fool I kept marking the "no pain" threshold of the scale until it was over. When it was done he gave me a mirror to check out, and I looked at my face. He did a decent job, but I was kind of in shock at the situation, having foreign shit in my face, and not knowing what his true motives were, to give the "wow great job!" everyone in the room seemed to be expecting.


I turned towards one of the hot assistants and asked "What do you think?"

"You look great!!" she said in an overly excited voice
"You're one of us now."

[Dungeon Snake]

hahah, hilarious and interesting story

[Shaun]

good thread so far..


I've had four major surgeries on my feet/legs from ages 6-14 (I've written about this in other threads so if you remember, thnx). There's not a lot of fun stuff to go into... except one thing after surgery #4

I was lying in my hospital bed resting, probably doped up on morphine I can't remember, when the nurse walked in with a printout of 30 or so movies to watch. This was 20 years ago, obviously there was no on-demand stuff, so this was a real treat. And guess what they had? The Star Wars trilogy and the Super Mario Brothers movie! I couldn't believe it. I mean, I probably would've picked those if I could've chosen any movie, but out of ~30 movies they had those! That was so fkn cool.

[Doog Lord]

It was a cold, stormy night. It was a few months ago, with rain over my body. I got into the hospital, there was only one other patient in it, not moving or saying anything, just... staring at a wall. I had shoved an action figure up my ass and I needed surgery to get it out, as I was playing "attack of the killer ass hole." Ending in tragedy.

My eyes looked across the room, there was moss and... cracks and other scary things. The place was abandoned. I was frightened, scared out of my mind. The doctor came to me, he told me, "If you ever scream, think about how disgusting you look." A tear came to my eye, I then followed him to the room. He told me that it wouldn't be painful. I didn't respond. I then layed my body face down on an operating table, with my ass sticking out. He thanked me for not being to hard to direct. He noticed my legs were shaking so he nailed my thighs to the operating table.

I SCREAMED in pain, he gave me an anesthesia, BUT IT WASN'T AN ANESTHESIA IT WAS WATER!! I pointed at him and told him to stop. BUT THEN HE TOLD ME TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND NAILED MY WRIST TO THE OPERATING TABLE!!!! I cried and screamed and EVERYTHING! It was so painful! It was true terror! Scream! Fear! He then told me he was going to start the procedure.

He stuck his finger up my ass, and it wasn't that bad. But then he got all his cowokers to stick their fingers into my ass! Now my ass just had fingers in it! When will the pain end? They then got the homeless man down the street to stick his pinkie into my ass. They realized it didn't work. So the doctor got a drill and stuck it up my ass! It scraped from the inside until it got to the toy. It drilled into the toy until it was dust, then I did a huge fart and all my shat got over the doctor's face. Which he licked up with great joy. He then gave me an anal probe, which I then started farting fire until it took control over me. It took months to get my body back, when I had the biggest fart ever and it blew the anal probe out of my ass.

So from that point I learned, never trust sketchy hospitals.

[Dungeon Snake]

hahah

[Plopilpy]

Thank you for making me laugh after a depressing day, CartoonsAreDead.

[Doog Lord]

Originally Posted by Plopilpy

Thank you for making me laugh after a depressing day, CartoonsAreDead.

Aw, thank you for saying that!

[Bown]

Had my eye correction surgery back in Nov and after I woke up all the doctors and specialists were standing around me with various questions but I was having a bad reaction to the gas or something so it took me about 10 minutes to answer everything because I kept throwing up in front of them all 🤙

[Jt Copper]

I've had two surgeries, once in 2012, and another in (I think) 2017. My appendix ruptured after thinking for two whole days I simply came down with a stomach bug, and I spiked a 104 fever. Had appendicitis, and had surgery on New Years Day. I missed my high school theater audition because of that, remember being really upset about that. Had my first girlfriend at the time too. Wild way to start the year.

My second surgery was removing all four of my wisdom teeth. Two was impacted, one was removed because long story short 'might as well', and one was removed because it fully decayed, and grew in rotted. Had to get stitches in the rotted one, because they had to really fuck with that one to pull it. Hours after the surgery, a clot opened up in my mouth, and I bled half a cup of blood. My mother had surgery on her ankle the week before, so it made things fun to deal with during the situation. Drove an hour and a half round trip to deal with it, and we get to the doctor's office, only for the bleeding to stop when we get there.

Sorry if this post is all over the place, I am drunk right now.

[I Am Your God]

Originally Posted by Kane

Peri Anal Fistula or 'Perianal Sinus'

Post pics of the situation or it didn't happen.

Worry not. This is the safest space in the world.

[Bravoie]

One time I had a kidney stone surgery and after waking from the anesthesia I noticed a giant catheter in my dick. Getting it removed was like when neo wakes up from the matrix and that tube unscrews from his head

[Kane]

Hahaha that entire post sounded awful