I am writing a book! Anyone want an excerpt?

Tony Maroj · 02:20 AM

So I've been writing a book called "CHLOE'S DIARY", It's set in 1860 and is written in the voice of a southern 10 year old girl.
Would anyone like an excerpt of it? If so, Just let me know! I'll even allow rights to use it in a movie of your own if you guys would like. Just tell me and I'll post some of it here!
Here's a small part to wet your guy's appetite!

DECEMBER 18th, 1860
Dear Diary,

YOWIE! This very night my sister, Clarice, and I are suppose to be getting ready for the LaNou's annual Christmas Ball! But Clarice keeps tickling me! So I ran and hid under the bed. Hanging onto the bedposts didn't help though, she managed to pull me out from underneath it and continue tickling me!
"Stop!" I told her, but despite my protest she kept tickling me anyhow. Though when we heard the swish-swishing of Mama's skirt, we stopped and acted like we were getting ready that whole time!
But getting dressed was just as much a pleasure as was the tickling. First we helped each other into our hoops then we tied our stays and laced each others corsets. Next came our dresses. Mine was the prettiest of pink called "Ashes of Roses"! While Clarice's was a beautiful royal blue with ribbons lining the bottom.
Then we finished our hair and put on our shoes and coats and headed to the carriage where Papa was waiting for us.
When we were in the carriage, since my younger sister, Clarice was sitting beside me, she tried to tickle me again, but I didn't feel a thing because I was wearing my corset! (I guess Corsets do 3 things: Make your waist look tiny, make it hard to take deep breaths, and protect against ticklers!)

There's more to this entry if anyone wants more. Just let me know!
forgot to ask to tell me what you guys think!

Tony Maroj · 09-29-2016, 03:03 AM

i think this would be great for Tony Clay, Ned Carlson, and Tuna Hematoma to do, if they be up to it?

Phil Williamson · 09-29-2016, 03:09 AM

what's with all the tickling? is this like...a fetish thing?

I definitely like the idea of Tuna getting together with a guy who's probably in jail right now and that guy's brother who refuses to speak to him to make this in 3dmm though. get on it Tuna!

Dungeon Snake · 09-29-2016, 03:30 AM

nice try, madame secretary, but we won't give up the child porn so easily

Izak MD · 09-29-2016, 03:39 AM

nota bene: when tony clay left, it was right as evan accused him of being a child molesting pervert (or something)

Tony Maroj · 09-29-2016, 01:06 PM

its just a story guys and no i don't like being tickled myself so no fetish there. the sister is 8 years old if that helps to clear anything up. and what is up with the porn thing on here? what happened to Tony Clay and Ned Carlson anyhow? i loved "canine caper" it was very funny and the fact that Gus and Frankie's voices were so different and both done by Tony Clay is so cool! if i hadn't known i never would've guessed it in the first place! SOOOOOO COOL!

Bown · 09-29-2016, 01:17 PM

I'll proofread the entire book if I can get the exclusive rights to any filmed adaptation. I'll have my lawyers draw a contract up and call your lawyers.

Tony Maroj · 09-29-2016, 01:35 PM

You don't need lawyers. you or anyone else who wants to, can use it just be sure to credit me for the idea, okay? that way no one gets hurt feelings because someone's not being fair or is taking full credit for something that wasn't fully their idea in the first place. other then that, you got it! and if you want Bown, I'll let you proof read anyways. I will type what I have so far and send it to you via privet message so you can do so, if, that's okay?

Izak MD · 09-29-2016, 07:37 PM

i was only fooling around, tony maroj.

please. post more excerpts.

Tony Maroj · 09-29-2016, 08:05 PM

okay, heres more from that entry:
DECEMBER 18th, 1860(Continued)

When we arrived, I could hear the waltz being played from outside the LaNou's mansion. It looked so magical all beautifully lit up!
The night went on but I didn't do much dancing being really too young to officially do that. I didn't mind much though, I'm really much more interested in gossiping with Jenny LaNou anyhow!
The men all looked so serious, especially when discussing our new president, Abraham Lincoln, and the issue over slavery. Father thinks slavery is wrong, but he doesn't want a war. Mr. Smith kept stroking his beard in a very worried manner. I know why too. He has four sons, each of whom would have to fight!
Jenny and I started to gossip about boys and whom we had a particular interest in. She told me that she had a fondness for Bo Anderson. When I asked what it was about him that she was fond of, she told me that he had a kind and gentle nature about him, and that he was always so sweet and never spoke ill of anyone and seldom lost his temper! Then she asked me the very same thing! I asked her not to laugh, she promised that she wouldn't.

I'll post more later its dinner time!

French Fry · 09-29-2016, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil Williamson

what's with all the tickling? is this like...a fetish thing?

yeah

Tony Maroj · 09-29-2016, 10:32 PM

Tony Maroj · 09-29-2016, 11:15 PM

here's the rest of that entry:

DECEMBER 18th, 1860(CONTINUED)

I then told her that I was particularly fond of her brother Jimmy. I also said that he was a real gentleman and also very sweet! He was also a most polite and well mannered boy for one his age. She agreed on this point. Then we began to giggle!
Later, we had some mulled cider, it tasted very grown-up and cinnamon-y! I rather liked it myself!
After a while, we got ready to leave and I thanked Jenny for a wonderful time! I don't think I shall ever forget it!

That was the last of that entry hope you enjoyed it! I'll try to put it all together!

Here:

DECEMBER 18th, 1860
Dear Diary,

YOWIE! This very night my sister, Clarice, and I are suppose to be getting ready for the LaNou's annual Christmas Ball! But Clarice keeps tickling me! So I ran and hid under the bed. Hanging onto the bedposts didn't help though, she managed to pull me out from underneath it and continue tickling me!
"Stop!" I told her, but despite my protest she kept tickling me anyhow. Though when we heard the swish-swishing of Mama's skirt, we stopped and acted like we were getting ready that whole time!
But getting dressed was just as much a pleasure as was the tickling. First we helped each other into our hoops then we tied our stays and laced each others corsets. Next came our dresses. Mine was the prettiest of pink called "Ashes of Roses"! While Clarice's was a beautiful royal blue with ribbons lining the bottom.
Then we finished our hair and put on our shoes and coats and headed to the carriage where Papa was waiting for us.
When we were in the carriage, since my younger sister, Clarice was sitting beside me, she tried to tickle me again, but I didn't feel a thing because I was wearing my corset! (I guess Corsets do 3 things: Make your waist look tiny, make it hard to take deep breaths, and protect against ticklers!)
When we arrived, I could hear the waltz being played from outside the LaNou's mansion. It looked so magical all beautifully lit up!
The night went on but I didn't do much dancing being really too young to officially do that. I didn't mind much though, I'm really much more interested in gossiping with Jenny LaNou anyhow!
The men all looked so serious, especially when discussing our new president, Abraham Lincoln, and the issue over slavery. Father thinks slavery is wrong, but he doesn't want a war. Mr. Smith kept stroking his beard in a very worried manner. I know why too. He has four sons, each of whom would have to fight!
Jenny and I started to gossip about boys and whom we had a particular interest in. She told me that she had a fondness for Bo Anderson. When I asked what it was about him that she was fond of, she told me that he had a kind and gentle nature about him, and that he was always so sweet and never spoke ill of anyone and seldom lost his temper! Then she asked me the very same thing! I asked her not to laugh, she promised that she wouldn't.
I then told her that I was particularly fond of her brother Jimmy. I also said that he was a real gentleman and also very sweet! He was also a most polite and well mannered boy for one his age. She agreed on this point. Then we began to giggle!
Later, we had some mulled cider, it tasted very grown-up and cinnamon-y! I rather liked it myself!
After a while, we got ready to leave and I thanked Jenny for a wonderful time! I don't think I shall ever forget it!

Broken Pencil · 09-29-2016, 11:54 PM

1. If you are writing a book, reduce the amount of exclamations marks. It looks unprofessional.
2. Make it more interesting to read, and less awkward.
3. If you are going for a diary feel, try to use quotation marks as little as possible.
4. Historical accuracy. Abraham Lincoln became president in 1861, not 1860.
5. The whole tickling thing is awkward and strange. It would be better to just replace (or remove) it entirely.

Phil Williamson · 09-30-2016, 01:06 AM

Lincoln was already president-elect in December 1860. nothing wrong with calling him "our new president" then

Tony Maroj · 09-30-2016, 01:20 AM

thank you Phil! I knew what i was doing! and I only used ""s maybe 3 times in the whole thing! And I got the idea from something else that used the tickling thing so i kept it in! Plus I basically rewrote most of it but still tried to be true to the original idea from wench it came! BTW: the !'s are used depending on the way the sentence is to be read!
sorry about the awkward readability.

Tony Maroj · 09-30-2016, 01:22 AM

btw: WHAT DID anyone LIKE about it?

Broken Pencil · 09-30-2016, 03:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil Williamson

Lincoln was already president-elect in December 1860. nothing wrong with calling him "our new president" then

Technically speaking, yes. So good on you Tony.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tony Maroj

btw: WHAT DID anyone LIKE about it?

There was quite a bit of detail during the first few sentences.

Tony Maroj · 09-30-2016, 03:30 AM

thank you!

Tony Maroj · 09-30-2016, 04:09 AM

btw: if anyone wants another excerpt, let me know!

Jason Nelson · 10-07-2016, 07:36 AM

Tuna still exists as a legit human? Nice.

Dungeon Snake · 10-07-2016, 08:09 AM

he exists, i dunno how "legit" he is

Jason Nelson · 10-07-2016, 08:27 AM

Probably not super legit

Evil Ash · 10-07-2016, 09:13 AM

This is some hot revolutionary sisterly incest. Keep it coming.

Tony Maroj · 10-07-2016, 01:40 PM

THERE IS NO INCEST! The sisters were supposed to be getting ready for the ball(party), but instead got in to a tickle fight! They were only playing around!
Chloe is only 10 and Clarice is 8!
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN INNOCENT STORY! AND It's geared towards KIDS!

09-29-2016, 01:20 AM	#1
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221	I am writing a book! Anyone want an excerpt? So I've been writing a book called "CHLOE'S DIARY", It's set in 1860 and is written in the voice of a southern 10 year old girl. Would anyone like an excerpt of it? If so, Just let me know! I'll even allow rights to use it in a movie of your own if you guys would like. Just tell me and I'll post some of it here! Here's a small part to wet your guy's appetite! DECEMBER 18th, 1860 Dear Diary, YOWIE! This very night my sister, Clarice, and I are suppose to be getting ready for the LaNou's annual Christmas Ball! But Clarice keeps tickling me! So I ran and hid under the bed. Hanging onto the bedposts didn't help though, she managed to pull me out from underneath it and continue tickling me! "Stop!" I told her, but despite my protest she kept tickling me anyhow. Though when we heard the swish-swishing of Mama's skirt, we stopped and acted like we were getting ready that whole time! But getting dressed was just as much a pleasure as was the tickling. First we helped each other into our hoops then we tied our stays and laced each others corsets. Next came our dresses. Mine was the prettiest of pink called "Ashes of Roses"! While Clarice's was a beautiful royal blue with ribbons lining the bottom. Then we finished our hair and put on our shoes and coats and headed to the carriage where Papa was waiting for us. When we were in the carriage, since my younger sister, Clarice was sitting beside me, she tried to tickle me again, but I didn't feel a thing because I was wearing my corset! (I guess Corsets do 3 things: Make your waist look tiny, make it hard to take deep breaths, and protect against ticklers!) There's more to this entry if anyone wants more. Just let me know! forgot to ask to tell me what you guys think!
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221	Last edited by Tony Maroj : 09-29-2016 at 02:20 AM.

09-29-2016, 03:03 AM	#2
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221	i think this would be great for Tony Clay, Ned Carlson, and Tuna Hematoma to do, if they be up to it?
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221

09-29-2016, 03:39 AM	#5
Izak MD Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 8,877	nota bene: when tony clay left, it was right as evan accused him of being a child molesting pervert (or something)
Izak MD Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 8,877

09-29-2016, 01:06 PM	#6
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221	its just a story guys and no i don't like being tickled myself so no fetish there. the sister is 8 years old if that helps to clear anything up. and what is up with the porn thing on here? what happened to Tony Clay and Ned Carlson anyhow? i loved "canine caper" it was very funny and the fact that Gus and Frankie's voices were so different and both done by Tony Clay is so cool! if i hadn't known i never would've guessed it in the first place! SOOOOOO COOL!
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221

09-29-2016, 01:17 PM	#7
Bown Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 18,740	I'll proofread the entire book if I can get the exclusive rights to any filmed adaptation. I'll have my lawyers draw a contract up and call your lawyers.
Bown Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 18,740

09-29-2016, 03:09 AM	#3
Phil Williamson Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 16,900	what's with all the tickling? is this like...a fetish thing? I definitely like the idea of Tuna getting together with a guy who's probably in jail right now and that guy's brother who refuses to speak to him to make this in 3dmm though. get on it Tuna!

09-29-2016, 03:30 AM	#4
Dungeon Snake Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 17,519	nice try, madame secretary, but we won't give up the child porn so easily

09-29-2016, 01:35 PM	#8
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221	You don't need lawyers. you or anyone else who wants to, can use it just be sure to credit me for the idea, okay? that way no one gets hurt feelings because someone's not being fair or is taking full credit for something that wasn't fully their idea in the first place. other then that, you got it! and if you want Bown, I'll let you proof read anyways. I will type what I have so far and send it to you via privet message so you can do so, if, that's okay?
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221

09-29-2016, 07:37 PM	#9
Izak MD Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 8,877	i was only fooling around, tony maroj. please. post more excerpts.
Izak MD Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 8,877

09-29-2016, 08:05 PM	#10
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221	okay, heres more from that entry: DECEMBER 18th, 1860(Continued) When we arrived, I could hear the waltz being played from outside the LaNou's mansion. It looked so magical all beautifully lit up! The night went on but I didn't do much dancing being really too young to officially do that. I didn't mind much though, I'm really much more interested in gossiping with Jenny LaNou anyhow! The men all looked so serious, especially when discussing our new president, Abraham Lincoln, and the issue over slavery. Father thinks slavery is wrong, but he doesn't want a war. Mr. Smith kept stroking his beard in a very worried manner. I know why too. He has four sons, each of whom would have to fight! Jenny and I started to gossip about boys and whom we had a particular interest in. She told me that she had a fondness for Bo Anderson. When I asked what it was about him that she was fond of, she told me that he had a kind and gentle nature about him, and that he was always so sweet and never spoke ill of anyone and seldom lost his temper! Then she asked me the very same thing! I asked her not to laugh, she promised that she wouldn't. I'll post more later its dinner time!
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221

09-29-2016, 10:32 PM	#12
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221	no!
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221

09-29-2016, 11:15 PM	#13
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221	here's the rest of that entry: DECEMBER 18th, 1860(CONTINUED) I then told her that I was particularly fond of her brother Jimmy. I also said that he was a real gentleman and also very sweet! He was also a most polite and well mannered boy for one his age. She agreed on this point. Then we began to giggle! Later, we had some mulled cider, it tasted very grown-up and cinnamon-y! I rather liked it myself! After a while, we got ready to leave and I thanked Jenny for a wonderful time! I don't think I shall ever forget it! That was the last of that entry hope you enjoyed it! I'll try to put it all together! Here: DECEMBER 18th, 1860 Dear Diary, YOWIE! This very night my sister, Clarice, and I are suppose to be getting ready for the LaNou's annual Christmas Ball! But Clarice keeps tickling me! So I ran and hid under the bed. Hanging onto the bedposts didn't help though, she managed to pull me out from underneath it and continue tickling me! "Stop!" I told her, but despite my protest she kept tickling me anyhow. Though when we heard the swish-swishing of Mama's skirt, we stopped and acted like we were getting ready that whole time! But getting dressed was just as much a pleasure as was the tickling. First we helped each other into our hoops then we tied our stays and laced each others corsets. Next came our dresses. Mine was the prettiest of pink called "Ashes of Roses"! While Clarice's was a beautiful royal blue with ribbons lining the bottom. Then we finished our hair and put on our shoes and coats and headed to the carriage where Papa was waiting for us. When we were in the carriage, since my younger sister, Clarice was sitting beside me, she tried to tickle me again, but I didn't feel a thing because I was wearing my corset! (I guess Corsets do 3 things: Make your waist look tiny, make it hard to take deep breaths, and protect against ticklers!) When we arrived, I could hear the waltz being played from outside the LaNou's mansion. It looked so magical all beautifully lit up! The night went on but I didn't do much dancing being really too young to officially do that. I didn't mind much though, I'm really much more interested in gossiping with Jenny LaNou anyhow! The men all looked so serious, especially when discussing our new president, Abraham Lincoln, and the issue over slavery. Father thinks slavery is wrong, but he doesn't want a war. Mr. Smith kept stroking his beard in a very worried manner. I know why too. He has four sons, each of whom would have to fight! Jenny and I started to gossip about boys and whom we had a particular interest in. She told me that she had a fondness for Bo Anderson. When I asked what it was about him that she was fond of, she told me that he had a kind and gentle nature about him, and that he was always so sweet and never spoke ill of anyone and seldom lost his temper! Then she asked me the very same thing! I asked her not to laugh, she promised that she wouldn't. I then told her that I was particularly fond of her brother Jimmy. I also said that he was a real gentleman and also very sweet! He was also a most polite and well mannered boy for one his age. She agreed on this point. Then we began to giggle! Later, we had some mulled cider, it tasted very grown-up and cinnamon-y! I rather liked it myself! After a while, we got ready to leave and I thanked Jenny for a wonderful time! I don't think I shall ever forget it!
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221

09-29-2016, 11:54 PM	#14
Broken Pencil Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 2,341	1. If you are writing a book, reduce the amount of exclamations marks. It looks unprofessional. 2. Make it more interesting to read, and less awkward. 3. If you are going for a diary feel, try to use quotation marks as little as possible. 4. Historical accuracy. Abraham Lincoln became president in 1861, not 1860. 5. The whole tickling thing is awkward and strange. It would be better to just replace (or remove) it entirely.

09-30-2016, 01:06 AM	#15
Phil Williamson Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 16,900	Lincoln was already president-elect in December 1860. nothing wrong with calling him "our new president" then

09-30-2016, 01:20 AM	#16
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221	thank you Phil! I knew what i was doing! and I only used ""s maybe 3 times in the whole thing! And I got the idea from something else that used the tickling thing so i kept it in! Plus I basically rewrote most of it but still tried to be true to the original idea from wench it came! BTW: the !'s are used depending on the way the sentence is to be read! sorry about the awkward readability.
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221

09-30-2016, 01:22 AM	#17
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221	btw: WHAT DID anyone LIKE about it?
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221

09-30-2016, 03:30 AM	#19
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221	thank you!
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221

09-30-2016, 04:09 AM	#20
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221	btw: if anyone wants another excerpt, let me know!
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221

10-07-2016, 07:36 AM	#21
Jason Nelson Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 1,743	Tuna still exists as a legit human? Nice.

10-07-2016, 08:09 AM	#22
Dungeon Snake Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 17,519	he exists, i dunno how "legit" he is

10-07-2016, 08:27 AM	#23
Jason Nelson Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 1,743	Probably not super legit

10-07-2016, 09:13 AM	#24
Evil Ash Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 15,534	This is some hot revolutionary sisterly incest. Keep it coming.
Evil Ash Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 15,534

10-07-2016, 01:40 PM	#25
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221	THERE IS NO INCEST! The sisters were supposed to be getting ready for the ball(party), but instead got in to a tickle fight! They were only playing around! Chloe is only 10 and Clarice is 8! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN INNOCENT STORY! AND It's geared towards KIDS!
Tony Maroj Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 221