The Coffee Shop

Lemurboy · 02:37 PM

This is a series I've been making. It's based off another series I made in LBP2. It's about Forky the Meatball's coffee shop and all the crazy things that happen there. It's all stop motion in LBP2 with post-production and stuff. I've only made two episodes so far (though the second isn't worth posting), but I'm working on a bunch as we speak.

Lemurboy · 04-15-2013, 04:58 PM

yeah okay

Compcat · 04-15-2013, 10:19 PM

The visuals in the first one are pretty cool and unique, but it's kind of grating.

Lemurboy · 04-16-2013, 12:28 AM

grating in what sense? the voices? the music? what?

Evil Ash · 04-16-2013, 12:36 AM

The entire humour is just "stupid so its funny" which only works for part of a premise, really.

The first video has a couple moments, but the second one is just... I don't even get it. It's like a YouTube Poop with only you. Sad and confusing.

The first one has a premise, a tiny story, and some silly situations. That's why it kind of works. Try expanding on that, on your characters, etc. Be less incoherent. It's like you're afraid to make jokes, so you just make them do dumb shit instead.

Right now it's pretty forgettable, and the voice for the taller guy is kind of annoying.

Lemurboy · 03:47 AM

well the second one I made for something else, but I felt like uploading it anyway. I took it out of the first post.

Lemurboy · 05-28-2013, 02:34 AM

Lemurboy · 06-05-2013, 11:39 AM

Lemurboy · 06-23-2013, 03:47 AM

Bobby Swisha · 06-23-2013, 06:37 AM

ok well, the animation in these is amazing. they look fucking great. it sort of reminds me of gumball, is that what inspired you?

other than that, everything is bad. the voice acting, the dialogue, the character designs to some degree... it's all bad. it's not funny or amusing to me, it looks like something a young person made who didn't really know what they were doing.

BUT, the bright side, is that the animation looks really really cool. The first few times I watched it I actually thought it was all 3-D rendered. (I still can't really tell if it is or isnt tbh) The MS Paint eyes/mouth look good too, and you have a great grasp of expressions, how lips move, how the characters move, etc...

My suggestion to you is that either you should team up with somebody who's actually funny and knows how to write something interesting, or maybe shift your focus in another direction. Check out some of Jan Svankmajer's work, for example. Something like that would be pretty cool to see from you.

Lemurboy, how old are you?

Lemurboy · 06:02 PM

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Lemurboy · 06-23-2013, 06:11 PM

You're right. You just changed my whole outlook on this. These videos really have no jokes and some of the characters are annoying. Forky is fine, but characters like The Annoying Kid are really obnoxious and unlikable. He needs to be pestering in a funny way. I need some help from my friends with stuff like writing, storyboards, voices, etc, as they're good at that kind of stuff. Wow, thanks for everything, BR. No really, thanks.

Trooper · 06-23-2013, 06:17 PM

Yeah, the animating is pretty damn awesome and I'm surprised nobody has really said so aside from BR. The writing needs real work and you could maybe do with less abstract characters but you're onto something good here if you work hard.

Lemurboy · 06-23-2013, 07:51 PM

the main problem was that I was doing these all by myself with no help from anyone, and nobody gave me any pointers to make it funnier

Trooper · 06-23-2013, 08:16 PM

To be honest, I think 3dmm.com helped me out a lot with developing humour in stuff that I write. I've watched a whole bunch of comedy movies on here and it can be really useful to learn what sorts of things come across well and how to time or present gags.

04-04-2013, 05:16 PM	#1
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706	The Coffee Shop This is a series I've been making. It's based off another series I made in LBP2. It's about Forky the Meatball's coffee shop and all the crazy things that happen there. It's all stop motion in LBP2 with post-production and stuff. I've only made two episodes so far (though the second isn't worth posting), but I'm working on a bunch as we speak.
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706	Last edited by Lemurboy : 04-16-2013 at 02:37 PM.

04-15-2013, 04:58 PM	#2
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706	yeah okay
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706

04-15-2013, 10:19 PM	#3
Compcat Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 8,810	The visuals in the first one are pretty cool and unique, but it's kind of grating.
Compcat Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 8,810

04-16-2013, 12:28 AM	#4
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706	grating in what sense? the voices? the music? what?
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706

04-16-2013, 12:36 AM	#5
Evil Ash Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 15,534	The entire humour is just "stupid so its funny" which only works for part of a premise, really. The first video has a couple moments, but the second one is just... I don't even get it. It's like a YouTube Poop with only you. Sad and confusing. The first one has a premise, a tiny story, and some silly situations. That's why it kind of works. Try expanding on that, on your characters, etc. Be less incoherent. It's like you're afraid to make jokes, so you just make them do dumb shit instead. Right now it's pretty forgettable, and the voice for the taller guy is kind of annoying.
Evil Ash Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 15,534

04-16-2013, 02:35 PM	#6
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706	well the second one I made for something else, but I felt like uploading it anyway. I took it out of the first post.
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706	Last edited by Lemurboy : 06-23-2013 at 03:47 AM.

05-28-2013, 02:34 AM	#7
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706

06-05-2013, 11:39 AM	#8
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706	okay
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706

06-23-2013, 03:47 AM	#9
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706

06-23-2013, 06:37 AM	#10
Bobby Swisha Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 46,012	ok well, the animation in these is amazing. they look fucking great. it sort of reminds me of gumball, is that what inspired you? other than that, everything is bad. the voice acting, the dialogue, the character designs to some degree... it's all bad. it's not funny or amusing to me, it looks like something a young person made who didn't really know what they were doing. BUT, the bright side, is that the animation looks really really cool. The first few times I watched it I actually thought it was all 3-D rendered. (I still can't really tell if it is or isnt tbh) The MS Paint eyes/mouth look good too, and you have a great grasp of expressions, how lips move, how the characters move, etc... My suggestion to you is that either you should team up with somebody who's actually funny and knows how to write something interesting, or maybe shift your focus in another direction. Check out some of Jan Svankmajer's work, for example. Something like that would be pretty cool to see from you. Lemurboy, how old are you?

06-23-2013, 05:26 PM	#11
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706	---------
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706	Last edited by Lemurboy : 06-23-2013 at 06:02 PM.

06-23-2013, 06:11 PM	#12
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706	You're right. You just changed my whole outlook on this. These videos really have no jokes and some of the characters are annoying. Forky is fine, but characters like The Annoying Kid are really obnoxious and unlikable. He needs to be pestering in a funny way. I need some help from my friends with stuff like writing, storyboards, voices, etc, as they're good at that kind of stuff. Wow, thanks for everything, BR. No really, thanks.
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706

06-23-2013, 06:17 PM	#13
Trooper Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 7,441	Yeah, the animating is pretty damn awesome and I'm surprised nobody has really said so aside from BR. The writing needs real work and you could maybe do with less abstract characters but you're onto something good here if you work hard.
Trooper Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 7,441

06-23-2013, 07:51 PM	#14
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706	the main problem was that I was doing these all by myself with no help from anyone, and nobody gave me any pointers to make it funnier
Lemurboy Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 706

06-23-2013, 08:16 PM	#15
Trooper Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 7,441	To be honest, I think 3dmm.com helped me out a lot with developing humour in stuff that I write. I've watched a whole bunch of comedy movies on here and it can be really useful to learn what sorts of things come across well and how to time or present gags.
Trooper Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 7,441