the STORYTELLING THREAD, feat. CHRISTO

Dungeon Snake · 10-31-2012, 04:09 AM

Here's how it works:

1) QUESTION
somebody posts a question. this has to be a question that invites a story, like, "What's the craziest thing that's ever happened when you were fishing?" or "What's the most scared you've ever been in your life?" It can't be too general, so it can't be like "What's your favorite thing in the world?" but it also can't be too specific like "what's your favorite hill to ride down in San Francisco?" It has to be a good question that preferably brings specific occasions to mind
1a) if a question is stupid, ignore it or ridicule it

2) STORY
anybody who wants to, post a story pertaining to that question. So, for example, if somebody asks "What's the craziest thing you've ever done with a pet?" you might tell about the time your pet bottom-feeder-fish tried to escape from the bowl after growing from 4 inches long (at the pet store) to almost a foot and a half (10 months later), so at the age of 4, you snuck out at night and released him in a pond by your grandma's house. that would be a sweet story
2a) i only want sweet stories. don't waste my time with some Grade-B half-ass semiregular-type-occurrence or some shit.
2b) if a story sucks, ignore it or ridicule it

3) STORY JUDGMENT
once a good question has been posed, nobody can ask a new QUESTION until nobody can come up with a better STORY than one that's already been posted in response to that QUESTION.
3a) in the event that several sweet stories shall be told in response to one QUESTION: stories posted shall be judged by everybody, and the best story chosen by popular opinion

4) NEW QUESTION
the person with the best story chooses a new QUESTION
4a) if they can't think of a good one, the floor is open to questions from anyone

so, to start things off, it seems like people seem to enjoy it when i tell stories or anecdotes from my life. so i'd just like to Open the Floor to questions. ask me literally anything

Cubert · 10-31-2012, 03:54 PM

QUESTION What's the worst sex you've ever had, 3dmm.com?

Dungeon Snake · 10-31-2012, 09:07 PM

oohhh this'll be good

Compcat · 11-01-2012, 12:45 AM

QUESTION What's the worst sex you've ever had on 3dmm.com?

Pizza The Hut · 11-01-2012, 07:03 AM

this is too complicated

James Burgon · 11-01-2012, 09:58 PM

Lets get this rolling!
This forum better be a fuckin' secret.
Pretty sure i've told these before, but...

1. I was out in Reading (town not festival) with friends when half of them were kicked out for being drunk and the other half left/forgot I was there. As I was stuck in Reading and had no place to go I was stranded. The place was imminent to close but this random girl talks to me. I can't remember what she looked like, curvy but not chunky (read: probs was leviathan, beer goggles).

She takes me to her flat behind the place we were staying. It's almost like a bedsit/college dorm room. It's a room with a bed and a bathroom/shower/wetroom thing. So we're going at it, and i'm somehow convince her to fuck in the hall/stairway of her building. We go at it there and she's all like 'i can't do this!' so we go back in. She starts blowing me and I fall asleep during it.

I'm woken up by my shoe hitting me in the head and rest of my clothes hitting me. Whilst kicking me out she asks for my number. I decline and hit the road.

2. Was fucking a barmaid at my local. She had a son (3 or 4 years old), he walked in and was like 'what are you doing to mummy'. Bonerkill.

They're pretty lame, but I guess I don't have too many awful experiences or I don't remember them.

Evil Ash · 11-01-2012, 10:15 PM

Haha that number 2 story can't end there. What did you tell the kid? Haha.

James Burgon · 11-01-2012, 11:01 PM

She just sort of shoo'd him out, calmed him down and I laid there a bit like 'oh god what have I done'.

Pizza The Hut · 11-01-2012, 11:25 PM

Yamles · 11-08-2012, 09:10 AM

1, Just before I got married, I had sex with this guy who I had met after working with his mum for a few years. He was a few years younger, but I'd had a wee crush on him because he had a great taste in movies and books and whatever. He was a tall, well built dude too, and I was looking foward to having the sex with him.
We planned to meet up for months, he lived five hours away so we waited until we were in the same town and I got a hotel room.
So blah blah we were fooling around, and I put my hands down his pants to check out the goods, and there was nothing there! I'm searching around for a bit, trying to be subtle and act like I'm not concerned that I can't find his dick, but then it got to a point where it was pretty obvious I'm fumbling around for something that I can't find. So he grabs my hand, and puts it on it, and it's the size of.... I dunno. I don't even know what to compare it to. A Jolly Rancher maybe? I felt so so so so bad for him. You could tell he's just heartbroken and whatever. So I tried extra hard to give him a good time doing other things, but we physically could not have sex. Poor fella

2, I once had a sordid emotional affair (before I was married) with a man who I had heard was gay, but I wasn't sure. We flirted etc and he asked me around to his house after and while and we were fooling around and he told me he was 100% gay, but still wanted to have sex (???). Anyway, I was down, and he had a MASSIVE MASSIVE MASSIVE package, so that was fine. But we got halfway through and hes like 'Oh yeah I'm gay, this isn't really working', but I wouldn't stop so I guess it was kind of rape. We laughed about it (nervously) afterwards, and in the morning while he was sleeping I started doing it again and when he woke up I sort of pinned him a little bit. He wasn't happy. He wasn't trying AMAZINGLY hard to stop it, and we are still friends, but hes never brought it up again and I left straight away. So yeah I guess I did a rape, I dunno.

Dominator Dan · 11-08-2012, 01:16 PM

hahah, wow, well i'd love to contribute to this thread, but yeah

Cubert · 11-08-2012, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yamles

2, I once had a sordid emotional affair (before I was married) with a man who I had heard was gay, but I wasn't sure. We flirted etc and he asked me around to his house after and while and we were fooling around and he told me he was 100% gay, but still wanted to have sex (???). Anyway, I was down, and he had a MASSIVE MASSIVE MASSIVE package, so that was fine. But we got halfway through and hes like 'Oh yeah I'm gay, this isn't really working', but I wouldn't stop so I guess it was kind of rape. We laughed about it (nervously) afterwards, and in the morning while he was sleeping I started doing it again and when he woke up I sort of pinned him a little bit. He wasn't happy. He wasn't trying AMAZINGLY hard to stop it, and we are still friends, but hes never brought it up again and I left straight away. So yeah I guess I did a rape, I dunno.

ahahaha everything about this is brilliant.

Roadkill Dave · 11-08-2012, 04:16 PM

was the first guy's a genuine microdick? or just quite small? I don't know what a jolly rancher is

Evil Ash · 11-08-2012, 04:26 PM

It's a small hard candy. Think like, one of those small tootsie rolls you get on Halloween. Or maybe like... half your pinky finger?

Roadkill Dave · 11-08-2012, 04:32 PM

I just remembered I was on the internet and could look it up. that's an unfortunate size.

Pizza The Hut · 11-08-2012, 05:14 PM

Hahaahha @ 2

Skittlebrau · 11-09-2012, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yamles

1, Just before I got married, I had sex with this guy who I had met after working with his mum for a few years. He was a few years younger, but I'd had a wee crush on him because he had a great taste in movies and books and whatever. He was a tall, well built dude too, and I was looking foward to having the sex with him.
We planned to meet up for months, he lived five hours away so we waited until we were in the same town and I got a hotel room.
So blah blah we were fooling around, and I put my hands down his pants to check out the goods, and there was nothing there! I'm searching around for a bit, trying to be subtle and act like I'm not concerned that I can't find his dick, but then it got to a point where it was pretty obvious I'm fumbling around for something that I can't find. So he grabs my hand, and puts it on it, and it's the size of.... I dunno. I don't even know what to compare it to. A Jolly Rancher maybe? I felt so so so so bad for him. You could tell he's just heartbroken and whatever. So I tried extra hard to give him a good time doing other things, but we physically could not have sex. Poor fella

2, I once had a sordid emotional affair (before I was married) with a man who I had heard was gay, but I wasn't sure. We flirted etc and he asked me around to his house after and while and we were fooling around and he told me he was 100% gay, but still wanted to have sex (???). Anyway, I was down, and he had a MASSIVE MASSIVE MASSIVE package, so that was fine. But we got halfway through and hes like 'Oh yeah I'm gay, this isn't really working', but I wouldn't stop so I guess it was kind of rape. We laughed about it (nervously) afterwards, and in the morning while he was sleeping I started doing it again and when he woke up I sort of pinned him a little bit. He wasn't happy. He wasn't trying AMAZINGLY hard to stop it, and we are still friends, but hes never brought it up again and I left straight away. So yeah I guess I did a rape, I dunno.

I love both of these stories so much.

Skittlebrau · 01:27 AM

Skittlebrau · 11-09-2012, 01:26 AM

These ran long.

1a. I've already posted in another thread (link) about my one very unsavory experience having a three-way. But the topic may be restricted to actual intercourse, which as I detailed, I tried and failed, because I'd literally never fucked someone that was shaped like that and had no idea how to position myself. Feel free to reread that one if you'd like to dry heave. But I do have a couple others. These are essentially cautionary tales on why you don't try to fuck/date girls on the rebound.

1b. Okay, so out of high school, I'm dating this really good looking redhead. A little bit younger than me, she just got out of a long relationship, she's really fucking cool. But when we actually got to having sex, there were some problems. She refuses to let me do anything with my hands or my mouth. Okay, thats weird, and breaks up the pace of the whole thing, but whatever, i can work with that. Also, her breasts are like an anti-erogenous zone, so me playing with them at all just annoys her, and she'd rather keep a bra on during sex. I wouldn't have hated this as much if they weren't INCREDIBLE breasts, but whatever, she's cool, I'll see them when she's getting dressed and shit, I can look past it.

She also gets nothing out of a dick actually being in her, and can only get off from her clit. This wouldn't be so much of a fucking problem if, like i said, ALL I HAVE TO WORK WITH IS MY DICK, because of her OTHER hang-ups. So, the actual act of sex was, exclusively, either her rubbing her junk along the side of my cock, which is nice for like 10 seconds and then boring, or I'm inside her, and she is putting all her weight on her(/my) pelvis as she grinds her clit back and forth against my hips. During this, she would move in such a way as to actively prevent me from going in and out; that shit just stayed in, unmoving, while she did her thing up top.

I more than once went completely soft inside her without her noticing, and actually had to fake an orgasm so that she wouldn't notice. Thats a sad moment in a man's life, the first time he fakes it.

2. Okay, so a good friend of mine and his girl had a really bizarre, tumultuous relationship in high school. They broke up all the time, and this was one of those times. It should be noted that, though he was my friend, I thought this guy was a bitch, and his girlfriend was hot, and me and her were fairly good friends anyway, so I did my best to work the situation in my favor. So one night, we're hanging out, and shit starts happening.

(I'm going to interrupt myself for a second, because I want to see if this is normal. Does anyone else play this kind of game, where you're talking to a girl you know is sorta dim, and you try and kind of steer the conversation toward them showing you their tits? Like, not even outright asking, just positioning the conversation to precisely the right angle, where them showing you their tits or being naked is just the easiest, most prudent thing to do in that situation? Like, they OFFER, and you have to be like "oh, I mean yeah, that works", or "yeah, you might as well at this point". I've done it to like 3 different girls, and I swear to god its the most rewarding thing.)

So I do that to her, and her tits are...fucking hilarious. One is a full cup size and a half bigger than the other, and even the shape and consistency of them was totally different. Its like she was born with one boob, and stole the other from a 30 year old woman. But like, again, we're past the point where I'm even making decisions anymore, this is just happening. So I show her my dick, and she suddenly gets this weird look in her eye. Like, I've seen turned on, but this was turned-on in the style of Aguirre, The Wrath Of God. And she just tells me we're going to fuck right now. And I keep trying to maybe suggest some foreplay or anything to ease into it, and she is refusing all of that shit, and I suggest maybe a condom, and she says she's on the pill. Done. Sure. Lets go.

Bone fucking dry. My pillowcase has more moisture than this girl's pussy. Like, it is physically uncomfortable to fuck this girl. I still do, because I'm fucking without a condom for the first time and EVERYTHING IS AMAZING, but it is just no good. And after about 5 minutes of me rugburning her vaginal wall, she tells me to stop. And I do. And I sit up. And she sits up. And she just bursts into tears because she misses her ex so much. And like, I'm actually her friend, so I have to...fuckin, hug her, and tell her its gonna be okay, and he'll be coming back. She's crying into my shoulder, while a foot away, my dick is sticking to the bedsheet wondering what the fuck just happened.

TRIVIA: They did get back together! Also, my abusive ex found out about this incident, and cut her first initial into my back with a knife I gave her! Guys, no matter how cool a chick is, never give her a knife as a gift, no matter how ornate or meaningful it may be.

Compcat · 11-09-2012, 06:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skittlebrau

So I do that to her, and her tits are...fucking hilarious. One is a full cup size and a half bigger than the other, and even the shape and consistency of them was totally different. Its like she was born with one boob, and stole the other from a 30 year old woman. But like, again, we're past the point where I'm even making decisions anymore, this is just happening. So I show her my dick, and she suddenly gets this weird look in her eye. Like, I've seen turned on, but this was turned-on in the style of Aguirre, The Wrath Of God. And she just tells me we're going to fuck right now. And I keep trying to maybe suggest some foreplay or anything to ease into it, and she is refusing all of that shit, and I suggest maybe a condom, and she says she's on the pill. Done. Sure. Lets go.

Bone fucking dry. My pillowcase has more moisture than this girl's pussy. Like, it is physically uncomfortable to fuck this girl. I still do, because I'm fucking without a condom for the first time and EVERYTHING IS AMAZING, but it is just no good. And after about 5 minutes of me rugburning her vaginal wall, she tells me to stop. And I do. And I sit up. And she sits up. And she just bursts into tears because she misses her ex so much. And like, I'm actually her friend, so I have to...fuckin, hug her, and tell her its gonna be okay, and he'll be coming back. She's crying into my shoulder, while a foot away, my dick is sticking to the bedsheet wondering what the fuck just happened.

hahaha, that's awesome

Cubert · 11-09-2012, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skittlebrau

(I'm going to interrupt myself for a second, because I want to see if this is normal. Does anyone else play this kind of game, where you're talking to a girl you know is sorta dim, and you try and kind of steer the conversation toward them showing you their tits? Like, not even outright asking, just positioning the conversation to precisely the right angle, where them showing you their tits or being naked is just the easiest, most prudent thing to do in that situation? Like, they OFFER, and you have to be like "oh, I mean yeah, that works", or "yeah, you might as well at this point". I've done it to like 3 different girls, and I swear to god its the most rewarding thing.)

aaaahahah no, no and no. is this real? what kind of retarded girls have you been talking to / boning?

Phil Williamson · 11-09-2012, 02:58 PM

haha yeah can you elaborate? how exactly does this go down?

Skittlebrau · 11-09-2012, 06:41 PM

Its a very certain kind of hyper-extroverted, kind of dumb chick. I met a lot of them doing theater. Its kind of an oversimplification, but if they start to talk about their tits, or each other's tits if there's more than one person, for whatever reason, keep the conversation going. Inconspicuously press the issue. Eventually, they'll get down to physical description, and they might have trouble exactly describing it. When this happens, pretend to have trouble understanding or visualizing this. If this is just the right kind of extreme extrovert with a short attention span and very little self-awareness, they may just say "ugh, here, this is easier" and just show you their tits.

Like I said, it requires a specific kind of person, but its hilariously easy if you know to look for it.

Cubert · 11-09-2012, 07:23 PM

wait so now there might be more than just me in the room and i still gotta steer the conversation toward "hmm i cant visualise your tits just yet..."? this is starting to sound complicated

Skittlebrau · 11-09-2012, 07:31 PM

Depending on the people involved, one or two more people may actually make it easier. Like I said, its very situational, it all depends on the personalities of the people involved, and universally requires an almost total lack of self-awareness on their part.

10-31-2012, 04:09 AM	#1
Dungeon Snake Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 17,519	the STORYTELLING THREAD, feat. CHRISTO Here's how it works: 1) QUESTION somebody posts a question. this has to be a question that invites a story, like, "What's the craziest thing that's ever happened when you were fishing?" or "What's the most scared you've ever been in your life?" It can't be too general, so it can't be like "What's your favorite thing in the world?" but it also can't be too specific like "what's your favorite hill to ride down in San Francisco?" It has to be a good question that preferably brings specific occasions to mind 1a) if a question is stupid, ignore it or ridicule it 2) STORY anybody who wants to, post a story pertaining to that question. So, for example, if somebody asks "What's the craziest thing you've ever done with a pet?" you might tell about the time your pet bottom-feeder-fish tried to escape from the bowl after growing from 4 inches long (at the pet store) to almost a foot and a half (10 months later), so at the age of 4, you snuck out at night and released him in a pond by your grandma's house. that would be a sweet story 2a) i only want sweet stories. don't waste my time with some Grade-B half-ass semiregular-type-occurrence or some shit. 2b) if a story sucks, ignore it or ridicule it 3) STORY JUDGMENT once a good question has been posed, nobody can ask a new QUESTION until nobody can come up with a better STORY than one that's already been posted in response to that QUESTION. 3a) in the event that several sweet stories shall be told in response to one QUESTION: stories posted shall be judged by everybody, and the best story chosen by popular opinion 4) NEW QUESTION the person with the best story chooses a new QUESTION 4a) if they can't think of a good one, the floor is open to questions from anyone so, to start things off, it seems like people seem to enjoy it when i tell stories or anecdotes from my life. so i'd just like to Open the Floor to questions. ask me literally anything

10-31-2012, 03:54 PM	#2
Cubert Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 4,990	QUESTION What's the worst sex you've ever had, 3dmm.com?
Cubert Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 4,990

11-01-2012, 12:45 AM	#4
Compcat Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 8,810	QUESTION What's the worst sex you've ever had on 3dmm.com?
Compcat Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 8,810

11-01-2012, 10:15 PM	#7
Evil Ash Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 15,534	Haha that number 2 story can't end there. What did you tell the kid? Haha.
Evil Ash Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 15,534

11-01-2012, 11:25 PM	#9
Pizza The Hut Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 10,633	LOL

10-31-2012, 09:07 PM	#3
Dungeon Snake Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 17,519	oohhh this'll be good

11-01-2012, 07:03 AM	#5
Pizza The Hut Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 10,633	this is too complicated

11-01-2012, 09:58 PM	#6
James Burgon Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 8,689	Lets get this rolling! This forum better be a fuckin' secret. Pretty sure i've told these before, but... 1. I was out in Reading (town not festival) with friends when half of them were kicked out for being drunk and the other half left/forgot I was there. As I was stuck in Reading and had no place to go I was stranded. The place was imminent to close but this random girl talks to me. I can't remember what she looked like, curvy but not chunky (read: probs was leviathan, beer goggles). She takes me to her flat behind the place we were staying. It's almost like a bedsit/college dorm room. It's a room with a bed and a bathroom/shower/wetroom thing. So we're going at it, and i'm somehow convince her to fuck in the hall/stairway of her building. We go at it there and she's all like 'i can't do this!' so we go back in. She starts blowing me and I fall asleep during it. I'm woken up by my shoe hitting me in the head and rest of my clothes hitting me. Whilst kicking me out she asks for my number. I decline and hit the road. 2. Was fucking a barmaid at my local. She had a son (3 or 4 years old), he walked in and was like 'what are you doing to mummy'. Bonerkill. They're pretty lame, but I guess I don't have too many awful experiences or I don't remember them.

11-01-2012, 11:01 PM	#8
James Burgon Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 8,689	She just sort of shoo'd him out, calmed him down and I laid there a bit like 'oh god what have I done'.

11-08-2012, 09:10 AM	#10
Yamles Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 2,799	1, Just before I got married, I had sex with this guy who I had met after working with his mum for a few years. He was a few years younger, but I'd had a wee crush on him because he had a great taste in movies and books and whatever. He was a tall, well built dude too, and I was looking foward to having the sex with him. We planned to meet up for months, he lived five hours away so we waited until we were in the same town and I got a hotel room. So blah blah we were fooling around, and I put my hands down his pants to check out the goods, and there was nothing there! I'm searching around for a bit, trying to be subtle and act like I'm not concerned that I can't find his dick, but then it got to a point where it was pretty obvious I'm fumbling around for something that I can't find. So he grabs my hand, and puts it on it, and it's the size of.... I dunno. I don't even know what to compare it to. A Jolly Rancher maybe? I felt so so so so bad for him. You could tell he's just heartbroken and whatever. So I tried extra hard to give him a good time doing other things, but we physically could not have sex. Poor fella 2, I once had a sordid emotional affair (before I was married) with a man who I had heard was gay, but I wasn't sure. We flirted etc and he asked me around to his house after and while and we were fooling around and he told me he was 100% gay, but still wanted to have sex (???). Anyway, I was down, and he had a MASSIVE MASSIVE MASSIVE package, so that was fine. But we got halfway through and hes like 'Oh yeah I'm gay, this isn't really working', but I wouldn't stop so I guess it was kind of rape. We laughed about it (nervously) afterwards, and in the morning while he was sleeping I started doing it again and when he woke up I sort of pinned him a little bit. He wasn't happy. He wasn't trying AMAZINGLY hard to stop it, and we are still friends, but hes never brought it up again and I left straight away. So yeah I guess I did a rape, I dunno.
Yamles Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 2,799

11-08-2012, 01:16 PM	#11
Dominator Dan Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 11,564	hahah, wow, well i'd love to contribute to this thread, but yeah

11-08-2012, 04:16 PM	#13
Roadkill Dave Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 2,458	was the first guy's a genuine microdick? or just quite small? I don't know what a jolly rancher is

11-08-2012, 04:26 PM	#14
Evil Ash Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 15,534	It's a small hard candy. Think like, one of those small tootsie rolls you get on Halloween. Or maybe like... half your pinky finger?
Evil Ash Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 15,534

11-08-2012, 04:32 PM	#15
Roadkill Dave Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 2,458	I just remembered I was on the internet and could look it up. that's an unfortunate size.

11-08-2012, 05:14 PM	#16
Pizza The Hut Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 10,633	Hahaahha @ 2

11-09-2012, 01:03 AM	#18
Skittlebrau Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 8,804	...
	Last edited by Skittlebrau : 11-09-2012 at 01:27 AM.

11-09-2012, 01:26 AM	#19
Skittlebrau Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 8,804	These ran long. 1a. I've already posted in another thread (link) about my one very unsavory experience having a three-way. But the topic may be restricted to actual intercourse, which as I detailed, I tried and failed, because I'd literally never fucked someone that was shaped like that and had no idea how to position myself. Feel free to reread that one if you'd like to dry heave. But I do have a couple others. These are essentially cautionary tales on why you don't try to fuck/date girls on the rebound. 1b. Okay, so out of high school, I'm dating this really good looking redhead. A little bit younger than me, she just got out of a long relationship, she's really fucking cool. But when we actually got to having sex, there were some problems. She refuses to let me do anything with my hands or my mouth. Okay, thats weird, and breaks up the pace of the whole thing, but whatever, i can work with that. Also, her breasts are like an anti-erogenous zone, so me playing with them at all just annoys her, and she'd rather keep a bra on during sex. I wouldn't have hated this as much if they weren't INCREDIBLE breasts, but whatever, she's cool, I'll see them when she's getting dressed and shit, I can look past it. She also gets nothing out of a dick actually being in her, and can only get off from her clit. This wouldn't be so much of a fucking problem if, like i said, ALL I HAVE TO WORK WITH IS MY DICK, because of her OTHER hang-ups. So, the actual act of sex was, exclusively, either her rubbing her junk along the side of my cock, which is nice for like 10 seconds and then boring, or I'm inside her, and she is putting all her weight on her(/my) pelvis as she grinds her clit back and forth against my hips. During this, she would move in such a way as to actively prevent me from going in and out; that shit just stayed in, unmoving, while she did her thing up top. I more than once went completely soft inside her without her noticing, and actually had to fake an orgasm so that she wouldn't notice. Thats a sad moment in a man's life, the first time he fakes it. 2. Okay, so a good friend of mine and his girl had a really bizarre, tumultuous relationship in high school. They broke up all the time, and this was one of those times. It should be noted that, though he was my friend, I thought this guy was a bitch, and his girlfriend was hot, and me and her were fairly good friends anyway, so I did my best to work the situation in my favor. So one night, we're hanging out, and shit starts happening. (I'm going to interrupt myself for a second, because I want to see if this is normal. Does anyone else play this kind of game, where you're talking to a girl you know is sorta dim, and you try and kind of steer the conversation toward them showing you their tits? Like, not even outright asking, just positioning the conversation to precisely the right angle, where them showing you their tits or being naked is just the easiest, most prudent thing to do in that situation? Like, they OFFER, and you have to be like "oh, I mean yeah, that works", or "yeah, you might as well at this point". I've done it to like 3 different girls, and I swear to god its the most rewarding thing.) So I do that to her, and her tits are...fucking hilarious. One is a full cup size and a half bigger than the other, and even the shape and consistency of them was totally different. Its like she was born with one boob, and stole the other from a 30 year old woman. But like, again, we're past the point where I'm even making decisions anymore, this is just happening. So I show her my dick, and she suddenly gets this weird look in her eye. Like, I've seen turned on, but this was turned-on in the style of Aguirre, The Wrath Of God. And she just tells me we're going to fuck right now. And I keep trying to maybe suggest some foreplay or anything to ease into it, and she is refusing all of that shit, and I suggest maybe a condom, and she says she's on the pill. Done. Sure. Lets go. Bone fucking dry. My pillowcase has more moisture than this girl's pussy. Like, it is physically uncomfortable to fuck this girl. I still do, because I'm fucking without a condom for the first time and EVERYTHING IS AMAZING, but it is just no good. And after about 5 minutes of me rugburning her vaginal wall, she tells me to stop. And I do. And I sit up. And she sits up. And she just bursts into tears because she misses her ex so much. And like, I'm actually her friend, so I have to...fuckin, hug her, and tell her its gonna be okay, and he'll be coming back. She's crying into my shoulder, while a foot away, my dick is sticking to the bedsheet wondering what the fuck just happened. TRIVIA: They did get back together! Also, my abusive ex found out about this incident, and cut her first initial into my back with a knife I gave her! Guys, no matter how cool a chick is, never give her a knife as a gift, no matter how ornate or meaningful it may be.

11-09-2012, 02:58 PM	#22
Phil Williamson Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 16,900	haha yeah can you elaborate? how exactly does this go down?

11-09-2012, 06:41 PM	#23
Skittlebrau Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 8,804	Its a very certain kind of hyper-extroverted, kind of dumb chick. I met a lot of them doing theater. Its kind of an oversimplification, but if they start to talk about their tits, or each other's tits if there's more than one person, for whatever reason, keep the conversation going. Inconspicuously press the issue. Eventually, they'll get down to physical description, and they might have trouble exactly describing it. When this happens, pretend to have trouble understanding or visualizing this. If this is just the right kind of extreme extrovert with a short attention span and very little self-awareness, they may just say "ugh, here, this is easier" and just show you their tits. Like I said, it requires a specific kind of person, but its hilariously easy if you know to look for it.

11-09-2012, 07:23 PM	#24
Cubert Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 4,990	wait so now there might be more than just me in the room and i still gotta steer the conversation toward "hmm i cant visualise your tits just yet..."? this is starting to sound complicated
Cubert Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 4,990

11-09-2012, 07:31 PM	#25
Skittlebrau Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 8,804	Depending on the people involved, one or two more people may actually make it easier. Like I said, its very situational, it all depends on the personalities of the people involved, and universally requires an almost total lack of self-awareness on their part.