Another new commercial, feedback me!

Maritheclap · 12:25 AM

I know I've mentioned this bit, but I take your feedback and give it to the production team, and quite a few times, they have used it.

This one is supposed to have a kind of awkward feel.

Thanks!

Scatterbrain · 08-05-2012, 07:36 PM

TO THE ART GALLERY!

Pirate Balloon · 08-05-2012, 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maritheclap

I know I've mentioned this bit, but I take your feedback and give it to the production team, and quite a few times, they have used it.

This one is supposed to have a kind of awkward feel.

Thanks!

ps, I am linking the video wrong. I thought I was a pro. I am not.

you just need to use thew entire YouTube url

Evan · 08-05-2012, 08:34 PM

I feel like it's sort of an eyesore with the background coming up through the boxes. Maybe each persons box should have a solid color behind it? I think that's what makes it look awkward.. at least to me. I don't like the edit at :03 sec. I feel like it should start on the close-up? instead of the wide. The star of the commercial is kind of boring... I don't know.. Maybe it's the dialogue? I can't quite put my finger on it. He just seems .. bored. could this commercial be 16 seconds shorter?

Dominator Dan · 08-05-2012, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pirate Balloon

you just need to use thew entire YouTube url

nah you don't, you only need to use the unique video ID which in this case is "ORayaxBF4-w"

as for the video, i agree with parts of what evan said, solid colours would be cool, but that might just be the autism talking, if your audience isn't autistic people then sod that idea.

i didn't find anything majorly wrong with it, great work!

edit: though yeah this should be in art gallery, breakin the law man

Janus · 08-06-2012, 09:51 PM

Terrible.

Qaz · 08-06-2012, 11:49 PM

I think production wise it's fine, no real complaints there. The pacing is done well, good music, everything flows nicely.

What I don't like though is that it's trying to be too funny. I get what you're trying to do by adding humor to it, but with so many jokes it almost seems like a parody of something or at least something I shouldn't be taking seriously.

And the guy comes of as bit of an uppity smarmy douche. The kind of guy you wouldn't want to give all your information to. Buuuut, I've seen a lot worse than this and it does get your message across pretty well.

So overall, not bad.

Bobby Swisha · 08-06-2012, 11:57 PM

yeah what Qaz (how do you pronounce that? Kaz? Kwaz?) said

Pogo · 08-07-2012, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maritheclap

This one is supposed to have a kind of awkward feel.

Are we talking vaguely unsettling, or "HOLY SHIT THIS MAN IS GOING TO MURDER ME ISN'T HE?"

Because I'm kind of getting the latter vibe here.

Evan · 08-07-2012, 12:19 AM

It just seems like he was a little to "highfalutin".

Evan · 08-07-2012, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus

Terrible.

Very constructive. lol.

Maritheclap · 08-07-2012, 03:21 AM

Thanks... guys.

Bjorny · 08-07-2012, 06:31 PM

I don't get what it's a commercial for, but I wasn't really paying attention...

Evan · 08-08-2012, 03:26 AM

Also that bjorny.. I really have no idea what it was even for, mostly because I had no idea wtf the guy was talking about.

Bravoie · 08-08-2012, 03:39 AM

I lost interest when he said "you have a lot of customers"

Fish Taco · 08-08-2012, 03:43 AM

So, its software for shop keepers that takes customers personal information then gives them special offers?

Tuna Hematoma · 08-08-2012, 04:37 AM

The lingo was kind of annoying and I wanted to punch the guy in the face. Other than that it was good. A lot better than other commercials out there.

Janus · 08-16-2012, 12:52 AM

I didn't actually watch it.... kind of a douche thing to judge something/someone without knowing what it's about.

Skittlebrau · 08-16-2012, 07:33 PM

Good: Very clean look, post effects are superb and compliment the product nicely. Shooting and editing are both well done.

Bad: Writing is BAD, and doesn't really match the clean, minimal art design. Way too casual. If you're going to have your spokesman make jokes about stalking your customers (which is way too completely valid, because that's essentially what the product does), make sure he doesn't look like an actual rapist/Michael Richards. That, plus the "popping out a kid", plus the implication that they are collecting information on BABIES makes for a product that creeps me right the fuck out.

But honestly, given that you wanted it to have an awkward vibe, I dunno how much of that stuff is intentional.

Altogether 8/10

08-05-2012, 06:26 PM	#1
Maritheclap Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 1,916	Another new commercial, feedback me! I know I've mentioned this bit, but I take your feedback and give it to the production team, and quite a few times, they have used it. This one is supposed to have a kind of awkward feel. Thanks!
	Last edited by Pogo : 08-06-2012 at 12:25 AM. Reason: That should be the link fixed

08-05-2012, 08:34 PM	#4
Evan Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 5,819	I feel like it's sort of an eyesore with the background coming up through the boxes. Maybe each persons box should have a solid color behind it? I think that's what makes it look awkward.. at least to me. I don't like the edit at :03 sec. I feel like it should start on the close-up? instead of the wide. The star of the commercial is kind of boring... I don't know.. Maybe it's the dialogue? I can't quite put my finger on it. He just seems .. bored. could this commercial be 16 seconds shorter?
Evan Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 5,819

08-06-2012, 09:51 PM	#6
Janus Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 335	Terrible.
Janus Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 335

08-06-2012, 11:49 PM	#7
Qaz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 6,355	I think production wise it's fine, no real complaints there. The pacing is done well, good music, everything flows nicely. What I don't like though is that it's trying to be too funny. I get what you're trying to do by adding humor to it, but with so many jokes it almost seems like a parody of something or at least something I shouldn't be taking seriously. And the guy comes of as bit of an uppity smarmy douche. The kind of guy you wouldn't want to give all your information to. Buuuut, I've seen a lot worse than this and it does get your message across pretty well. So overall, not bad.
Qaz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 6,355

08-07-2012, 12:19 AM	#10
Evan Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 5,819	It just seems like he was a little to "highfalutin".
Evan Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 5,819

08-05-2012, 07:36 PM	#2
Scatterbrain Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 8,564	TO THE ART GALLERY!

08-06-2012, 11:57 PM	#8
Bobby Swisha Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 46,012	yeah what Qaz (how do you pronounce that? Kaz? Kwaz?) said

08-07-2012, 03:21 AM	#12
Maritheclap Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 1,916	Thanks... guys.

08-07-2012, 06:31 PM	#13
Bjorny Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 7,217	I don't get what it's a commercial for, but I wasn't really paying attention...
Bjorny Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 7,217

08-08-2012, 03:26 AM	#14
Evan Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 5,819	Also that bjorny.. I really have no idea what it was even for, mostly because I had no idea wtf the guy was talking about.
Evan Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 5,819

08-08-2012, 03:39 AM	#15
Bravoie Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 4,713	I lost interest when he said "you have a lot of customers"
Bravoie Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 4,713

08-08-2012, 03:43 AM	#16
Fish Taco Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 7,034	So, its software for shop keepers that takes customers personal information then gives them special offers?
Fish Taco Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 7,034

08-08-2012, 04:37 AM	#17
Tuna Hematoma Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,055	The lingo was kind of annoying and I wanted to punch the guy in the face. Other than that it was good. A lot better than other commercials out there.

08-16-2012, 12:52 AM	#18
Janus Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 335	I didn't actually watch it.... kind of a douche thing to judge something/someone without knowing what it's about.
Janus Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 335

08-16-2012, 07:33 PM	#19
Skittlebrau Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 8,804	Good: Very clean look, post effects are superb and compliment the product nicely. Shooting and editing are both well done. Bad: Writing is BAD, and doesn't really match the clean, minimal art design. Way too casual. If you're going to have your spokesman make jokes about stalking your customers (which is way too completely valid, because that's essentially what the product does), make sure he doesn't look like an actual rapist/Michael Richards. That, plus the "popping out a kid", plus the implication that they are collecting information on BABIES makes for a product that creeps me right the fuck out. But honestly, given that you wanted it to have an awkward vibe, I dunno how much of that stuff is intentional. Altogether 8/10