DEATHBULGE - A Webcomic Project

Dominator Dan · 05-10-2012, 09:56 PM

Hey guys, recently I started some webcomics. The idea is to have a full on website going where people can subscribe via e-mail and like/share via facebook and twitter, that's how shit gets viral these days really.

But yeah, point of this thread, look at this selection of comics and tell me if the humour is consistent enough for you to want to LIKE/SHARE or subscribe and continue to browse through a WHOLE LOT MORE.

The original plan was to do some long series about a 4-person death metal band and their HILARIOUSLY pathetic career progression. But I realised that greatly limited the ability to use random ideas I had so it's pretty much turned into a series of comic strip gags with reccuring characters and every now and then it's like "oh yeah these guys are a band sometimes".

edit: maybe i should make a poll(?) so people can vote for the ones they actually enjoyed

Phil Williamson · 05-10-2012, 10:07 PM

I know you do not want to hear this, but I'm gonna have to recommend you don't do this. At least not at this point in your artistic progression. I would work on your ability to draw and grasp things like composition, color, page layout, and pretty much everything there is to know before tackling something like this. I know that a lot of webcomics start out mediocre-looking and get progressively better, but I gotta be brutally honest; Your comic looks really, really shitty and no is going to read it.

The character designs are incredibly trite and look like that of every 14-year-old kid who has ever been directly or indirectly exposed to anime in some shape or form. The coloring is terrible, the backgrounds are just stock images, the "comic" consists of a bunch of talking heads, the font is the worst font imaginable, and the writing just doesn't compel me to read it in any way. Not to mention, the concept of a story in which the characters are just substitutions for the writer's friends who are also contributing to the story is so utterly banal and juvenille and literally never works in any literary medium.

Again, I hate to rain on your parade, but there are a lot of shitty webcomics out there, and yours doesn't do anything to really stand out. I know this is just a 'demo', but I'm skeptical to the idea that you and your friends are capable of such a massive sudden turnaround.

Jt Copper · 01-07-2014, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil Williamson

I know you do not want to hear this, but I'm gonna have to recommend you don't do this.

* fast-forward two years later *

Trooper · 05-10-2012, 10:07 PM

Ahahahaha. Why have you never shown me that last one before? That is the cherry on the cake.

Scatterbrain · 05-10-2012, 10:35 PM

hahahaha these are fantastic! You've always had a great knack for facial expressions which still pops up a couple of times in these comics. but the jokes are very funny and somehow I didn't see that ending coming in the first date one.

Bjorny · 05-10-2012, 11:33 PM

I like this. Would subscribe!

Jack Bz · 05-10-2012, 11:48 PM

Hahahahaha that last one is brilliant. I actually just looked over these a 2nd time and didn't even notice the joke the first time. That and the bowling one are the best. MAKE MORE

Bown · 05-10-2012, 11:59 PM

Hahahah these are awesome. I think the first one is my favourite.

HMC · 05-11-2012, 01:34 AM

Ahaha @ Phil

These are a pretty good start! If I had to offer criticism, I'd suggest the following considerations:

Length and pacing: Some of them feel longer than they need to be. The guys who do Penny Arcade talk a lot about how much they try to condense their comics. It might be worth trying to see how much you can afford to cut out without losing the effectiveness of the gags. The bowling ball one in particular is probably my favorite, but at first I thought the panel where he puts the fingers in his face was the last panel, and was kinda disappointed when I scrolled down and saw it kept going. It felt like you'd already done the punchline, and the rest of the panels were superfluous (at least the last one. The ones of him rolling his head I could take or leave). The comic about the butts is also really funny, but I feel like the panel where he's thinking to himself is also unnecessary and muddles the joke, and it feels like you wouldn't need it if you had better emphasized what he was really looking at. I think the more you can do with less, the more easily you'll keep your audience from getting bored.
Color: I guess you don't explicitly NEED color, but it could certainly help to separate the elements. The one about the woman doing security in particular is pretty harsh to look at because it's such a stark black and white contrast with no line variation and no variation in tones. Of all the comics, its the one I want to skip over the most. It's also a good example of my third point.
Side view, empty background: This is a really basic kind of panel, and when almost every panel uses this basic formula, it gets kinda boring to look at. It might help to break up the monotony more and have the characters interacting with the background somehow. This can be as simple as sitting in a diner booth or standing at a bus stop. Just anything more than standing idly in a featureless white void, and it would make it easier to establish a sense of place if you choose to alternate camera angles, so the audience doesn't get confused.
Using the word "lol" in a word balloon: Seems kinda dumb. I dunno, maybe that's just a matter of personal taste.

That's all I can think of right now.

Pizza The Hut · 05-11-2012, 01:52 AM

I like the butts one the best. I'm not a huge fan of webcomics in general though so can't offer you much beyond "this was a clever idea".

Dominator Dan · 05-11-2012, 02:42 AM

thanks a lot guys

and yeah hmc:

length and pacing - yeah i see what you mean man, in fact i just cut down a couple of comics not shown here, both of which are now like, half the size now haha, it's crazy how carried away i get building up a joke/extending a punchline off on some dodgy tangent. that's the kind of thing you include in a bonus extended cut compilation for HARDCORE FANS or some shit, that would be cool if this project somehow got super popular, that would be swell.

colour - yeah i did find myself wincing quite a bit when editing these comics, but i thought that was just my terrrible eyesight, i have found a way of making it easier to look at though, that is to leave the contrast bar the fuck alone.

background - yeah, i do use backgrounds when needed, but i guess it would be good to use them when they're not necessarily IMPERATIVE to the joke. funnily enough an idea for a future comic involves standing at a bus stop haha, maybe i'll graffiti your name on it!

lol - yeah i thought that was just the one off, but i realise i used it twice, it just seemed right, but yeah i doubt it'll come up much, i just remember how much i found it hilarious when they used it in a speech bubble in castle crashers on the end of a bad joke.

THANKS

Don Tickner · 05-11-2012, 07:31 AM

Yeah, pretty much what HMC. I definately thought the "Fingers in the Face" was the final panel, and was disappointed to see it going.

I liked the colour style in the first one, the muted palette distances itself from some of the more vibrant comic out there, and kind of creates a nice juxtaposition with the abstract characters - who would normally be "zany" and "colourful". But the dead air for the background does hurt it - put something nice in there, and it would easily be something I'd recommend.

The simple punchline for the first and second ones really appeals to me, but it can't carry the comic across too many editions. The "Art" one was a good example of breaking it up - simple, yet unexpected. The bowling ball one - had it ended on the face image - would've been my favourite. And the "cinema" one is just good humour in medium.

Get a consistant colour style, fill in the dead air, and maybe shorten them up a little, and I'd definately recommend them. Funny stuff man.

* Ball *
I don't know why - that's really fucking funny to me.

Evil Ash · 05-11-2012, 07:37 AM

Haha the last two made me laugh, they were good.

Honestly everything before that, except for the punchline of the metal album one, just the way he eyes the garbage (which took to long to get to) - before that I feel like all the jokes just fell flat.

They just felt kind of... basic. I guess, I dunno.

I also agree with HMC criticisms and think some of the panels are pretty basic. Are they done? They don't look done.

But the last two comics made me laugh so I AM PLEASED.

Phil Williamson · 05-11-2012, 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Evil Ash

Haha the last two made me laugh, they were good.

Honestly everything before that, except for the punchline of the metal album one, just the way he eyes the garbage (which took to long to get to) - before that I feel like all the jokes just fell flat.

They just felt kind of... basic. I guess, I dunno.

I also agree with HMC criticisms and think some of the panels are pretty basic. Are they done? They don't look done.

But the last two comics made me laugh so I AM PLEASED.

yeah I agree with 100% of this

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dominator Dan

If I'm being honest I didn't really put much effort into stuff like that cause of things like Cyanide & Happiness, and rage comics, they're living proof that as long as the joke's good, how it looks isn't really important at all. But thinking about it more, I should really be playing to my strengths here.

yeah fo real. if "rage comics" are even a tiny part of your inspiration then you're in a lotta trouble maboy.

Rabid Dinosaur · 05-11-2012, 07:39 AM

hahah. some of them give off a PBF vibe. nicely done. especially like the last two.

Omnirom · 05-11-2012, 08:23 AM

Your drawings need to be funnier. You should make the facial reaction on the earbud one better. It should be more of a shudder, and make you laugh, it looks like he's angry, it kind of doesn't fit. It'd be funny if you made the pig lady look like a grotesque fat black lady the ones whose bodies kind of look like gorons. The penis one made me LOL.

Dominator Dan · 05-11-2012, 12:23 PM

Hahah Omnirom I'm not gonna make her black, that's a terrible idea! But thanks for not giving me the classic Omnirom 'pep talk' that we all know and love.

Thanks for all the feedback guys, i've added some coloured backgrounds to a couple of the ones already done, but most of them I won't really change asides from cutting them down a bit cause they're not drawn in a way that would be easy to colour on photoshop. But from comic #16 onwards, there'll be a sudden increased presence of background detail!

If I'm being honest I didn't really put much effort into stuff like that cause of things like Cyanide & Happiness, and rage comics, they're living proof that as long as the joke's good, how it looks isn't really important at all. But thinking about it more, I should really be playing to my strengths here.

Slade · 05-11-2012, 01:23 PM

ahahaha these are wicked. i agree about the length though, they could do with some trimming - people's attention spans are tiny nowadays. on average they should be around 6 panels at the most. the shorter the better, as long as the gag still works.

Dominator Dan · 05-11-2012, 01:39 PM

Kevitus · 05-11-2012, 01:59 PM

The last one cracked me up, great stuff man!

Blue Cardboard · 05-11-2012, 02:45 PM

this is really funny, some of the jokes remind me of cynaide and happiness. you're not ripping them off, but it's the same style. good work man.

Dominator Dan · 07-09-2012, 08:26 PM

Hey guyss, the site is finally up! Complete with 18 comics so that you have a decent amount of stuff to look through right from the get go, alongside the rockin' hand-drawn interface (except for the blog lol)

http://www.deathbulge.com

you'll notice i've cut down a lot of the earlier ones and ALSO

good reason to subscribe or at least check it out every now and then: there's 18 up there atm, but so far i've done 45, and after a certain point i've been putting way more effort into making them look all full coloured n sexy, so yeah, there's definitely a noticeable increase in quality over time through all 40-odd

getting the hang of this comic strip shit now, i'll be putting up new comics every monday and friday hopefully, see how long i can stick to that too.

time to make a SIG

bl0ppin · 07-09-2012, 09:02 PM

hahaha these are great, KEEP IT UP

Nixon · 07-09-2012, 09:12 PM

Post some to reddit, like the bowling ball one or something, that will get more people going to your site if it gets well received.

Jimmah · 07-09-2012, 09:36 PM

Aaaah I thought I commented on these ages ago.

I love them. Drawing style is wicked, and while only a few of them make me laugh, they're so well done I enjoy reading them. GG.

05-10-2012, 10:07 PM	#4
Trooper Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 7,441	Ahahahaha. Why have you never shown me that last one before? That is the cherry on the cake.
Trooper Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 7,441

05-10-2012, 11:33 PM	#6
Bjorny Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 7,217	I like this. Would subscribe!
Bjorny Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 7,217

05-10-2012, 11:48 PM	#7
Jack Bz Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 220	Hahahahaha that last one is brilliant. I actually just looked over these a 2nd time and didn't even notice the joke the first time. That and the bowling one are the best. MAKE MORE
Jack Bz Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 220

05-10-2012, 11:59 PM	#8
Bown Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 18,740	Hahahah these are awesome. I think the first one is my favourite.
Bown Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 18,740

05-11-2012, 01:34 AM	#9
HMC Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 8,715	Ahaha @ Phil These are a pretty good start! If I had to offer criticism, I'd suggest the following considerations: Length and pacing: Some of them feel longer than they need to be. The guys who do Penny Arcade talk a lot about how much they try to condense their comics. It might be worth trying to see how much you can afford to cut out without losing the effectiveness of the gags. The bowling ball one in particular is probably my favorite, but at first I thought the panel where he puts the fingers in his face was the last panel, and was kinda disappointed when I scrolled down and saw it kept going. It felt like you'd already done the punchline, and the rest of the panels were superfluous (at least the last one. The ones of him rolling his head I could take or leave). The comic about the butts is also really funny, but I feel like the panel where he's thinking to himself is also unnecessary and muddles the joke, and it feels like you wouldn't need it if you had better emphasized what he was really looking at. I think the more you can do with less, the more easily you'll keep your audience from getting bored. Color: I guess you don't explicitly NEED color, but it could certainly help to separate the elements. The one about the woman doing security in particular is pretty harsh to look at because it's such a stark black and white contrast with no line variation and no variation in tones. Of all the comics, its the one I want to skip over the most. It's also a good example of my third point. Side view, empty background: This is a really basic kind of panel, and when almost every panel uses this basic formula, it gets kinda boring to look at. It might help to break up the monotony more and have the characters interacting with the background somehow. This can be as simple as sitting in a diner booth or standing at a bus stop. Just anything more than standing idly in a featureless white void, and it would make it easier to establish a sense of place if you choose to alternate camera angles, so the audience doesn't get confused. Using the word "lol" in a word balloon: Seems kinda dumb. I dunno, maybe that's just a matter of personal taste. That's all I can think of right now.
HMC Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 8,715

05-10-2012, 09:56 PM	#1
Dominator Dan Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 11,564	DEATHBULGE - A Webcomic Project Hey guys, recently I started some webcomics. The idea is to have a full on website going where people can subscribe via e-mail and like/share via facebook and twitter, that's how shit gets viral these days really. But yeah, point of this thread, look at this selection of comics and tell me if the humour is consistent enough for you to want to LIKE/SHARE or subscribe and continue to browse through a WHOLE LOT MORE. The original plan was to do some long series about a 4-person death metal band and their HILARIOUSLY pathetic career progression. But I realised that greatly limited the ability to use random ideas I had so it's pretty much turned into a series of comic strip gags with reccuring characters and every now and then it's like "oh yeah these guys are a band sometimes". edit: maybe i should make a poll(?) so people can vote for the ones they actually enjoyed

05-10-2012, 10:07 PM	#2
Phil Williamson Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 16,900	I know you do not want to hear this, but I'm gonna have to recommend you don't do this. At least not at this point in your artistic progression. I would work on your ability to draw and grasp things like composition, color, page layout, and pretty much everything there is to know before tackling something like this. I know that a lot of webcomics start out mediocre-looking and get progressively better, but I gotta be brutally honest; Your comic looks really, really shitty and no is going to read it. The character designs are incredibly trite and look like that of every 14-year-old kid who has ever been directly or indirectly exposed to anime in some shape or form. The coloring is terrible, the backgrounds are just stock images, the "comic" consists of a bunch of talking heads, the font is the worst font imaginable, and the writing just doesn't compel me to read it in any way. Not to mention, the concept of a story in which the characters are just substitutions for the writer's friends who are also contributing to the story is so utterly banal and juvenille and literally never works in any literary medium. Again, I hate to rain on your parade, but there are a lot of shitty webcomics out there, and yours doesn't do anything to really stand out. I know this is just a 'demo', but I'm skeptical to the idea that you and your friends are capable of such a massive sudden turnaround.

05-10-2012, 10:35 PM	#5
Scatterbrain Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 8,564	hahahaha these are fantastic! You've always had a great knack for facial expressions which still pops up a couple of times in these comics. but the jokes are very funny and somehow I didn't see that ending coming in the first date one.

05-11-2012, 01:52 AM	#10
Pizza The Hut Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 10,633	I like the butts one the best. I'm not a huge fan of webcomics in general though so can't offer you much beyond "this was a clever idea".

05-11-2012, 02:42 AM	#11
Dominator Dan Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 11,564	thanks a lot guys and yeah hmc: length and pacing - yeah i see what you mean man, in fact i just cut down a couple of comics not shown here, both of which are now like, half the size now haha, it's crazy how carried away i get building up a joke/extending a punchline off on some dodgy tangent. that's the kind of thing you include in a bonus extended cut compilation for HARDCORE FANS or some shit, that would be cool if this project somehow got super popular, that would be swell. colour - yeah i did find myself wincing quite a bit when editing these comics, but i thought that was just my terrrible eyesight, i have found a way of making it easier to look at though, that is to leave the contrast bar the fuck alone. background - yeah, i do use backgrounds when needed, but i guess it would be good to use them when they're not necessarily IMPERATIVE to the joke. funnily enough an idea for a future comic involves standing at a bus stop haha, maybe i'll graffiti your name on it! lol - yeah i thought that was just the one off, but i realise i used it twice, it just seemed right, but yeah i doubt it'll come up much, i just remember how much i found it hilarious when they used it in a speech bubble in castle crashers on the end of a bad joke. THANKS

05-11-2012, 07:31 AM	#12
Don Tickner Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,021	Yeah, pretty much what HMC. I definately thought the "Fingers in the Face" was the final panel, and was disappointed to see it going. I liked the colour style in the first one, the muted palette distances itself from some of the more vibrant comic out there, and kind of creates a nice juxtaposition with the abstract characters - who would normally be "zany" and "colourful". But the dead air for the background does hurt it - put something nice in there, and it would easily be something I'd recommend. The simple punchline for the first and second ones really appeals to me, but it can't carry the comic across too many editions. The "Art" one was a good example of breaking it up - simple, yet unexpected. The bowling ball one - had it ended on the face image - would've been my favourite. And the "cinema" one is just good humour in medium. Get a consistant colour style, fill in the dead air, and maybe shorten them up a little, and I'd definately recommend them. Funny stuff man. * Ball * I don't know why - that's really fucking funny to me.

05-11-2012, 07:37 AM	#13
Evil Ash Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 15,534	Haha the last two made me laugh, they were good. Honestly everything before that, except for the punchline of the metal album one, just the way he eyes the garbage (which took to long to get to) - before that I feel like all the jokes just fell flat. They just felt kind of... basic. I guess, I dunno. I also agree with HMC criticisms and think some of the panels are pretty basic. Are they done? They don't look done. But the last two comics made me laugh so I AM PLEASED.
Evil Ash Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 15,534

05-11-2012, 07:39 AM	#15
Rabid Dinosaur Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 14,894	hahah. some of them give off a PBF vibe. nicely done. especially like the last two.

05-11-2012, 08:23 AM	#16
Omnirom Banned Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 569	Your drawings need to be funnier. You should make the facial reaction on the earbud one better. It should be more of a shudder, and make you laugh, it looks like he's angry, it kind of doesn't fit. It'd be funny if you made the pig lady look like a grotesque fat black lady the ones whose bodies kind of look like gorons. The penis one made me LOL.
Omnirom Banned Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 569

05-11-2012, 12:23 PM	#17
Dominator Dan Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 11,564	Hahah Omnirom I'm not gonna make her black, that's a terrible idea! But thanks for not giving me the classic Omnirom 'pep talk' that we all know and love. Thanks for all the feedback guys, i've added some coloured backgrounds to a couple of the ones already done, but most of them I won't really change asides from cutting them down a bit cause they're not drawn in a way that would be easy to colour on photoshop. But from comic #16 onwards, there'll be a sudden increased presence of background detail! If I'm being honest I didn't really put much effort into stuff like that cause of things like Cyanide & Happiness, and rage comics, they're living proof that as long as the joke's good, how it looks isn't really important at all. But thinking about it more, I should really be playing to my strengths here.

05-11-2012, 01:23 PM	#18
Slade Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 9,390	ahahaha these are wicked. i agree about the length though, they could do with some trimming - people's attention spans are tiny nowadays. on average they should be around 6 panels at the most. the shorter the better, as long as the gag still works.
Slade Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 9,390

05-11-2012, 01:39 PM	#19
Dominator Dan Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 11,564

05-11-2012, 01:59 PM	#20
Kevitus Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 4,542	The last one cracked me up, great stuff man!
Kevitus Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 4,542

05-11-2012, 02:45 PM	#21
Blue Cardboard Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 845	this is really funny, some of the jokes remind me of cynaide and happiness. you're not ripping them off, but it's the same style. good work man.
Blue Cardboard Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 845

07-09-2012, 08:26 PM	#22
Dominator Dan Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 11,564	Hey guyss, the site is finally up! Complete with 18 comics so that you have a decent amount of stuff to look through right from the get go, alongside the rockin' hand-drawn interface (except for the blog lol) http://www.deathbulge.com you'll notice i've cut down a lot of the earlier ones and ALSO good reason to subscribe or at least check it out every now and then: there's 18 up there atm, but so far i've done 45, and after a certain point i've been putting way more effort into making them look all full coloured n sexy, so yeah, there's definitely a noticeable increase in quality over time through all 40-odd getting the hang of this comic strip shit now, i'll be putting up new comics every monday and friday hopefully, see how long i can stick to that too. time to make a SIG

07-09-2012, 09:02 PM	#23
bl0ppin Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 4,644	hahaha these are great, KEEP IT UP
bl0ppin Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 4,644

07-09-2012, 09:12 PM	#24
Nixon Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 4,293	Post some to reddit, like the bowling ball one or something, that will get more people going to your site if it gets well received.
Nixon Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 4,293

07-09-2012, 09:36 PM	#25
Jimmah Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,705	Aaaah I thought I commented on these ages ago. I love them. Drawing style is wicked, and while only a few of them make me laugh, they're so well done I enjoy reading them. GG.
Jimmah Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,705