What's the most awkward position you've ever been in?

[Jaymond]

I gotta tell you, i love awkward situations, and i have been in many a lot of them.
Here are a few:

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We're at school, and we're in a big circle of people just talking about stuff at lunchtime, there's this asian girl there, i don't really know her heaps well. The thing with this asian girl is, a week or two weeks before, she was dating this dumb asian guy, he got sent to juvenile because of some stupid dumb asian criminal thing he did, he told the girl he'd kill himself.
Concerned, the asian girl went to the School Counsellor, and the counsellor was like "no no! it's ok! he won't kill himself, lots of troubled teens say that, it's ok. he won't kill himself."
the next day, he was found hanged.
So anyway, we're at school in this circle, everyone knows but of course no one has gone up to her and said anything cause.. you know.. well you just know. you can't.
so these two guys are having this joke fight, and they didn't know about the asian girl and her boyfriend, and after one of them said "dude, you're a stupid faggot.", the other guy retorts: "oh fine i'll just go HANG MYSELF. FUCKER!! HAHAHA!", they both laughed, but the whole circle of everyone immediately went quiet. i could sense a tumbleweed waiting to roll by.
the asian girl just kind of stood there for a while, then walked away to the toilets.
no one said anything after the joke and before she walked away. it was SO awkward.

ouch.
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also:


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I'm at this party, it's pretty shit. Me and my compadre, James Woods, were walking around when we saw this really fat girl in our grade. Like, she is obese. We were inside the rumpus room that had a leather couch, tv, cd player and stuff like that, and everyone was pretty much in here.
Me and Woodzie were sitting on the couch, along with two other people. And this fat girl comes over to sit down, before she was in earshot, i said "oh lord, she better not wanna sit down, there's barely any room, she'll goddamn break the couch.", we laughed.

But then she came over and wanted to sit down, i went silent, as she sat down, the leather couch snapped, and broke. i had to hold in the laughs so much that i could've urinated myself. and everyone else was just silent, except for my buddy woodzie, who ran out of the room and was promptly heard shouting "HAHHHAGA!!!", oh god. it was very awkward. but hilarious.
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also:



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I was working late at night at the video store, in between the aisles, i felt the need to pass gas. now, there was literally noone else in the store except for me and the manager and the other worker who was out the back getting some stock. so, with the manager safely behind the desk i decided to relieve myself.
Now, you know that feeling of embarrassment you get when you think you're gonna let out a silent but it comes out a total "PHHFFFART"? Yeah, well i escaped that, because the manager didn't hear the fart go off, but i did snicker.
i kept on putting videos back, until i realised i could smell the fart and i needed to leave. it smelt totally bad. just as i was about to walk back to the desk, the other girl co-worker comes out from the back,
her words:
"DID YOU REALISE WE'RE OUT OF CHI-.. *sniff*

chips."

and then she went back to the desk, i just totally didnt know what to say.
i was totally embarassed.
working the rest of the night with her was embarassing too.

[James Burgon]

Hahahaha.

Well, the only really embarrassing position I can think of is this:

We were at this girls house, after a party, and she has a little 2 roomed house sorta thing at the back of her garden, one where her dad works (all woodshop stuff and that) and the others just a room with a computer and stuff; we were in there.

So anyway, we're all pretty out of it, and my friend spots this picture of an old man on the wall, all framed and stuff, and he laughs and picks it up and starts dancing about going 'oo arrr i'm a pirate' and all shit like that, cause the pic kinda did look like a pirate, although it sounds lame, it was funny at the time. Well, at that point the girl (who's house it was) just said 'thats my grandfather, he passed away years ago' in the most morbid tone ever, then she went out and into the house. We all sorta sat there, then her friend goes 'she found him hung in the workroom next door when she was 6' and my friend (same guy as above) just goes 'well at least they didn't have far to take him'. (she lives on the back of a graveyard).

But the whole rest of the night/morning we kept looking at the photo, now, I didn't laugh, cause i thought it was sick (plus I wasn't out of it at the time, I was perfectly sober and all that) but two of my friends just gets pissing themselves, and it was so embarassing, cause everybody knew what they were laughing about, even the girl.

[Lord Blazer]

Obligatory:

DOGGY STYLE.

[Jaymond]

To James before Kyle came in and fucked up my life:
Ooh ouch. Death is a very touchy subject when it comes to personal matters like that.

BUT THAT REMINDS ME!!!!


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This one time i was totally getting the mack on' with my whack-on, and my dad opened the door, before he could see anything i ran to the warddrobe thats opposite the door and opened the warddrobe door, hiding myself. he was like 'dinner's ready' and i was just there, with my man hanging out, saying 'yeah yeah im just getting changed.', he then left.

CLOSE ONE, BATMAN! BUT NOT CLOSE ENOUGH!
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[Jaymond]

..

and before you ask, i have no idea why a dead hanged old man reminded me of jacking-off.

dude that's freaking me out.
does this mean i'm gay, now?

[Lord Blazer]

You think that's akward? One time in bed I called Lois, "Frank".

[Jaymond]

OK. GREAT. THANKS.

[Apfigur]

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday.

[Damage Jackal]

Originally posted by Jaymond
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I'm at this party, it's pretty shit. Me and my compadre, James Woods, were walking around when we saw this really fat girl in our grade. Like, she is obese. We were inside the rumpus room that had a leather couch, tv, cd player and stuff like that, and everyone was pretty much in here.
Me and Woodzie were sitting on the couch, along with two other people. And this fat girl comes over to sit down, before she was in earshot, i said "oh lord, she better not wanna sit down, there's barely any room, she'll goddamn break the couch.", we laughed.

But then she came over and wanted to sit down, i went silent, as she sat down, the leather couch snapped, and broke. i had to hold in the laughs so much that i could've urinated myself. and everyone else was just silent, except for my buddy woodzie, who ran out of the room and was promptly heard shouting "HAHHHAGA!!!", oh god. it was very awkward. but hilarious.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

Anyway, an awkward situation or two for ye:

When I was in Year 9, I did an English elective called Stop Press. In the first or second class, the teacher asked us to list all the slang words we could think of. Ever so wittily, I turned to my good friend sitting beside and loudly said "HAW HAW GOOK - A SLANG TERM FOR ASIAN". Now, my school is predominantly Middle Class Anglos. Like, when I say predominantly, I mean 95-99%. Seriously. We're the most Anglo school in the state, with ease. So, one would assume that one could easily get away with that comment (as long as the teacher heard). Wrong. I looked around, and two seats down from me was the only Asian girl in my entire year level.

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This one wasn't perpuated by me, but happened to me. I missed my entire very last day of school. I turned up right at the end of the day. As I was wearing formal clothes (long sleeved shirt, dress pants, tie), one of my good friends, Oliver (who some of you would know as the lead singer of Euphoriac), said to me 'Haha, dude, if this is how you turn up to the last day of school, I'd hate to see how you'll dress for the formal!', to which I replied 'Actually, dude, I've just been at my grandfather's funeral'.

[Jaymond]

Originally posted by Apfigur
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday.

Dude, really? That's sad, but not awkward.
Unless there was cheating or sodomy involved.

[McJuicy]

I think getting caught floggin your log by your parents would be the worst awkward moment ever. It's never happened to me, but I could just imagine the horrificness "Golly son, yu have nothing to be ashamed of....I MASTERABTED when I was your age....STILL DO ahahah"

[Rabid Dinosaur]

Originally posted by Apfigur
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday.

! Sorry to hear it, dude...

[Lord Blazer]

I've had my parents (typically my dad) find my porn on many occasions. It's akward every time.

"So....you uh....like...the lesbians....huh?"

[McJuicy]

I kinda get weirded out when me and my dad are driving and we both see a attractive young lady walking down the street and we both look. I turn my neck to about a 30 degree angle, while my dad pushes 90 degree neck rotation just to look at this girl. Thats why I fear marriage.

[Sinarach]

The only awkwardness I feel is when I walk around for a while and look down to see that my fly is open. That happens every second day or so.

[Jason Ruiz]

When I first got to continuation school in junior year, it didnt really set in that the school mainly consisted of thugs, drug dealers and poor white trash. All with just about 0 sense of humor. So my first day there I was in this class with my friend Roy (YEAH THATS RIGHT. THE ONE THAT KILLED AND BURIED A KID IN THE PARK.) We had to share with the group, an experience we had that really had a longterm effect on us. whether it be enlightenment or traumatization. Guys would be like, "I'll never forget the time I got this bitch pregnant and made her get an abortion." or "When I was locked up, this scrap tried to shank me, but then I shanked him.' and then it came around to me, and I was like, 'this one time, in 3rd grade, I wanted some Corn Pops really bad. So I got a shitload of them and put em all in a bowl. Then I found out we didnt have milk. So I didnt want to bother putting them back in the box cause then some would spill out. So what I did was eat every single corn pop. One by one out of the bowl. Until I was sick of Corn Pops and never wanted to eat them again. I still have never had a bowl of corn pops.' ... Longest, quietest response to a joke i've ever got in my life. There was just dead silence for at least 10 seconds. and the teacher was like, '... uh huh... and did you get sick?' and i was like, 'i.. no.' and i just felt like an idiot. 10 bald mexicans with jailhouse tats and a few pissed off fubu wearing black guys are all looking at me like, '... what the fuck is wrong with this kid.'

[McJuicy]

I think they were expecting you to finish off with
"I ran outta milk to I went to the store and killed the shopkeep for some."

[Cody Pittman]

hm. i cant really think of anything at the moment, there was the time in Preschool where we got in a circle, and i shit my pants, and got made fun of.

[Lord Blazer]

I read Fester's post, and I was like "heh....heh...." and then read Kyle's (LOL NOT MINE SILLY) and bust out laughing. Yeah.

[Kayl]

Originally posted by Fester Freelance
my friend Roy (YEAH THATS RIGHT. THE ONE THAT KILLED AND BURIED A KID IN THE PARK.)

You what?

A couple of years ago I went on an exchange trip to Poland, all of us staying with different host families. When I got there, they fed me the worst cake I've ever had, telling me it was a local delicacy. Now, on the trip we'd all been put with families who spoke certain languages so we could communicate, I'd been put with one which spoke exclusively English (and, indeed, Polish). My friend Martin, a native francophone, came over with his host (also from an 'english family') and we exchanged a few words infront of his host in French. They went along the lines of "I had the most goddawful cake," "Yeah, me too." Of course, we were doing this while smiling in an 'I say. Poland, how fab,' kind of way. Then I turned to his host and said "I'm sorry, this must be annoying as you don't speak French," to which she replied "Actually I speak a bit." The ensuing silence did nothing to help my case.

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I told that story to my class when we were studying Margaret Atwood's 'Cat's Eye' (we were supposed to do what Fester's class did basically). I'd been preceded by stories of muggings, car-hijackings, near death experiences in lifts, being trapped in toilets and other such. Silence once again ensued until Strahil broke it by saying "What. The. Fuck?"

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When I was 12, in second year, I'd got permission to go to the toilet (because at that age, you need permission in my school) from my teacher. I was seriously bursting for a good sit. So I literally ran across the playground into the first toilets I came across. Of course, it had to be the girls'. It's the law of narrative that it's always the girls' when you're 12. I realised my mistake almost imediately but was far too busy relieving myself to do anything about it. Anyway, I assumed that nobody would come in, as it was during class time. Naturally two girls came in, so I decided to wait them out - but then they started to ask whether I was alright as I'd been in there for ages. I had an unbroken voice, so I answered yes. But they wouldn't go. Eventually I literally ran for it.

[Quilt]

Originally posted by Fester Freelance
... Longest, quietest response to a joke i've ever got in my life. There was just dead silence for at least 10 seconds.

Oh man, that sucks.

This thread is great though. Keep posting them stories!

Oh yeah, I got one:
This happened to my brother, but yeah. It was the first week or so that he had been living in the Twin Cities (which is a big change from a town of 500) so he and his friend were still getting adjusted and stuff. On the way to the McDonald's across the street from them, they found a case of beer in one of the bushes outside. Being such a rare event, they took it and ran back up to the apartment to drop it off and went back to McDonald's. While they're sitting down eating, two big guys come in and one of them starts saying "Well, what happened to our beer!?" My brother and his friend continued eating nervously. Then one of the big guys sits in the seat behind my brother. He turns around and says, "You know what I want?" And my brother, obviously scared as hell, is like, "N..No..." And the guy says "One of your chicken nuggets."

[Cody Pittman]

did he give him a nugget?

[Quilt]

Yeah. But I thought it would suck if I ended it with "So he gave him one."

[Cody Pittman]

yeah, that is true.

[Bobby Swisha]

Originally posted by Jaymond
Concerned, the asian girl went to the School Counsellor, and the counsellor was like "no no! it's ok! he won't kill himself, lots of troubled teens say that, it's ok. he won't kill himself."
the next day, he was found hanged.

Hahahaha!! That's hilarious. I want to know what the counsellor's reaction was.