Jokes, I need jokes.

Damien Jasper · 04-11-2004, 05:37 PM

My well of story jokes at work is pumped completely dry. I've got a couple of good ones that are sorta new, but I need some dirty dirty jokes.

An Irish guy is sitting at a bar drinking all by himself. This stranger sits next to him and whispers "How about I give you a blow job?" The Irishman is like
"What?" And proceeds to whip royal asscot on the stranger for several minutes before finally throwing him out of the bar. He returns to keep drinking and the bartender asks
"Wanna tell me what that was all about?" Irish guy says
"He said something about giving me a job!"

Opheox · 04-11-2004, 05:39 PM

2 thumbs down.

Damien Jasper · 04-11-2004, 05:44 PM

Damn, I liked it. But don't you see? That's why I need more jokes! That was my best one, except maybe:

Buddist monk walks up to a hotdog vendor and says "Make me one with everything"

BrimmZERO · 04-11-2004, 07:51 PM

Why did the plane crash?

Cause the pilot was a loaf of bread!

Molotov · 04-11-2004, 07:55 PM

Good story jokes have to have:

- Sarcasm
- Cynicism
- Sattire
- Piss taking

Good story jokes must not:

- Make perfect sense
- Want to make the jokee cry
- Involve being nice to people
- Start with 'Why did'

AR-Raven · 04-11-2004, 07:59 PM

so far BrimmZERO > this thread

VIVALAVOVA · 04-11-2004, 08:07 PM

and that's really not saying much, cause this thread's pretty fuckin gay

Jimmah · 04-11-2004, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Molotov
Good story jokes have to have:

- Sarcasm
- Cynicism
- Sattire
- Piss taking

Good story jokes must not:

- Make perfect sense
- Want to make the jokee cry
- Involve being nice to people
- Start with 'Why did'

It's ironic that you say "good story jokes" can't follow traditional rules, yet you put a bunch of your own in there. But I agree, on the whole.

A Bomb walks in to a bar and goes to the barman "can i have a pint, please?" to which the bar man replies "You're a bomb" and the bomb says "yes, I know" and the bar man goes "but bombs dont drink" and the bomb says "oh shit, yeah".

I DID THAT ONE WHEN I WAS STONED.

Klown · 04-11-2004, 08:17 PM

Whats the difference between a salvationist and a mentally handicapped person?
Salvationists are dumb.

Jimmah · 04-11-2004, 08:39 PM

what's the difference between michael jackson and neil armstrong?

One's an astronaut and the other one fucks children.

Damien Jasper · 04-11-2004, 08:50 PM

Knock Knock

Who's There?

Polish Burglar

Jeremy Dick · 04-11-2004, 08:53 PM

What's the best way to blindfold an Asian man?

Use dental floss.

For good story jokes, download any Jeremy Dick/Jae Clarke movie. [/plug]

Damien Jasper · 04-11-2004, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Greg Aronov
and that's really not saying much, cause this thread's pretty fuckin gay

You're right. It's as fucking queer as a three dollar bill. Only total faggots would bother with this post. You're way too cool to waste your time with it, right?

Hey, wait a second...

Opheox · 04-11-2004, 09:07 PM

PUNK'D

Beast · 04-11-2004, 09:40 PM

hmm

President Bush looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approaching him. "What is it?" sighs the president. "It’s this abortion bill. What do you want to do about it?" the aide asks. "Go ahead and pay it," says the president.

jokes.com random.. and the first one i looked at..

yeah.. i cant tell jokes but like yeah...

heres a word of caution for all you whackers.. true story

dont use Shampoo.. its fine for a couple mins but after that it causes your skin to crack and causes a lot pain and discomfort for about a week... it then peels off leaving your dick extremely new looking after that.... i've done it three times just for the new dick effect... hahahahahah funny right!?

Jeremy Dick · 04-11-2004, 09:45 PM

thats not true though, ive used shampoo before with good results

Beast · 04-11-2004, 09:46 PM

how long? im talking one of those times where its JUSt not working for you...

like around an hour

Jeremy Dick · 04-11-2004, 09:48 PM

oh, im a premature ejaculator so ive never gone for that long.

Damien Jasper · 04-11-2004, 10:28 PM

I'll never cease to be amazed out how some posts morph into their ultimate incarnations. From story jokes to wacking off to shampoo and dry dick crackage? Just makes my head spin.

Phil Williamson · 04-11-2004, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Beast
how long? im talking one of those times where its JUSt not working for you...

like around an hour

An hour??? You're lucky you didn't whittle it right off...

Klown · 04-11-2004, 10:50 PM

Whats awesome about a room full of fundies?
It's an easy target to bomb.

Damien Jasper · 04-12-2004, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Crappy Klown
Whats the difference between a salvationist and a mentally handicapped person?
Salvationists are dumb.

What's the difference between a Salvationist and a clown?
Clowns are even dumber

Klown · 04-12-2004, 09:10 PM

Good thing i'm not a clown.

Frogman · 04-12-2004, 09:43 PM

why don't black people like blowjobs?

they don't like any type of job.

Damien Jasper · 04-13-2004, 03:25 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Crappy Klown
Good thing i'm not a clown.

I'll just jump in my time machine then...

What's the difference between Klowns and Salvationists?
Newbies are really, really dumb.

I feel so much better now.

If a fly lost it's wings, it would be called a walk.

04-11-2004, 05:37 PM	#1
Damien Jasper Banned Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 662	Jokes, I need jokes. My well of story jokes at work is pumped completely dry. I've got a couple of good ones that are sorta new, but I need some dirty dirty jokes. An Irish guy is sitting at a bar drinking all by himself. This stranger sits next to him and whispers "How about I give you a blow job?" The Irishman is like "What?" And proceeds to whip royal asscot on the stranger for several minutes before finally throwing him out of the bar. He returns to keep drinking and the bartender asks "Wanna tell me what that was all about?" Irish guy says "He said something about giving me a job!"
Damien Jasper Banned Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 662

04-11-2004, 05:39 PM	#2
Opheox Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 3,513	2 thumbs down.
Opheox Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 3,513

04-11-2004, 05:44 PM	#3
Damien Jasper Banned Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 662	Damn, I liked it. But don't you see? That's why I need more jokes! That was my best one, except maybe: Buddist monk walks up to a hotdog vendor and says "Make me one with everything"
Damien Jasper Banned Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 662

04-11-2004, 07:51 PM	#4
BrimmZERO Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 2,285	Why did the plane crash? Cause the pilot was a loaf of bread!
BrimmZERO Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 2,285

04-11-2004, 07:55 PM	#5
Molotov Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 4,858	Good story jokes have to have: - Sarcasm - Cynicism - Sattire - Piss taking Good story jokes must not: - Make perfect sense - Want to make the jokee cry - Involve being nice to people - Start with 'Why did'
Molotov Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 4,858

04-11-2004, 07:59 PM	#6
AR-Raven Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 5,558	so far BrimmZERO > this thread
AR-Raven Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 5,558

04-11-2004, 08:07 PM	#7
VIVALAVOVA Senior Member Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 8,519	and that's really not saying much, cause this thread's pretty fuckin gay

04-11-2004, 08:17 PM	#9
Klown Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 11,640	Whats the difference between a salvationist and a mentally handicapped person? Salvationists are dumb.
Klown Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 11,640

04-11-2004, 08:39 PM	#10
Jimmah Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,705	what's the difference between michael jackson and neil armstrong? One's an astronaut and the other one fucks children.
Jimmah Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,705

04-11-2004, 08:50 PM	#11
Damien Jasper Banned Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 662	Knock Knock Who's There? Polish Burglar
Damien Jasper Banned Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 662

04-11-2004, 08:53 PM	#12
Jeremy Dick Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 4,228	What's the best way to blindfold an Asian man? Use dental floss. For good story jokes, download any Jeremy Dick/Jae Clarke movie. [/plug]

04-11-2004, 09:07 PM	#14
Opheox Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 3,513	PUNK'D
Opheox Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 3,513

04-11-2004, 09:40 PM	#15
Beast Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 7,998	hmm President Bush looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approaching him. "What is it?" sighs the president. "It’s this abortion bill. What do you want to do about it?" the aide asks. "Go ahead and pay it," says the president. jokes.com random.. and the first one i looked at.. yeah.. i cant tell jokes but like yeah... heres a word of caution for all you whackers.. true story dont use Shampoo.. its fine for a couple mins but after that it causes your skin to crack and causes a lot pain and discomfort for about a week... it then peels off leaving your dick extremely new looking after that.... i've done it three times just for the new dick effect... hahahahahah funny right!?
Beast Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 7,998

04-11-2004, 09:45 PM	#16
Jeremy Dick Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 4,228	thats not true though, ive used shampoo before with good results

04-11-2004, 09:46 PM	#17
Beast Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 7,998	how long? im talking one of those times where its JUSt not working for you... like around an hour
Beast Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 7,998

04-11-2004, 09:48 PM	#18
Jeremy Dick Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 4,228	oh, im a premature ejaculator so ive never gone for that long.

04-11-2004, 10:28 PM	#19
Damien Jasper Banned Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 662	I'll never cease to be amazed out how some posts morph into their ultimate incarnations. From story jokes to wacking off to shampoo and dry dick crackage? Just makes my head spin.
Damien Jasper Banned Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 662

04-11-2004, 10:50 PM	#21
Klown Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 11,640	Whats awesome about a room full of fundies? It's an easy target to bomb.
Klown Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 11,640

04-12-2004, 09:10 PM	#23
Klown Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 11,640	Good thing i'm not a clown.
Klown Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 11,640

04-12-2004, 09:43 PM	#24
Frogman Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 2,424	why don't black people like blowjobs? they don't like any type of job.
Frogman Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 2,424