Diabolical Delightment

This review contains minor spoilers.

Death after death. After death. After death. I'm bored now. We all know Diabolical Delightment is a 'Pointless Action Movie', but does it have to be THIS pointless and random? In the first five minutes, hardly anything happens AT ALL apart from, well, killing people. In fact, just about the whole movie is about killing people! I just don't get how people can be entertained with this. Yes, I know I enjoyed JDR Revolutions, but it was NOWHERE as random as this! JDR went on a journey to save Earth, but Diabolical Delightment has no sense of plot at all, unless you count the supposed 'rivalry' between the main characters, which is NOTHING. No development. No emotions. There is nothing to smile about the completely lame plot, and if I was scoring this on just this category, it would be so close to 0/100. Did I care that there was a bounty on some vampire freak? NO.

Possibly the only bit which I liked in the first half of the movie (except for the bullet time, I'll come to that later) was the Unreal Tournament voiceovers with 'Killing Spree', 'Rampage' and 'Unstoppable'. Non-UT players couldn't care less. Apart from the stupidly random plot and, what seemed like, thousands of pointless deaths, another major point which I really am NOT happy about is the high amounts of swearing. Seriously, what was the point in the high, excessive quantities of swear words? I thought this was a P.A.M., not a P.A.M.O.S. (Pointless Action Movie with an Overload of Swearing, yeah, I know I made that up). Movies like SATANIK put swearing to GOOD use because it is VITAL to the character development. And that only has a tenth of the swearing Diabolical Delightment has! I don't mind the odd swear word here and there, but when a character (i.e. Jack) swears for the hundredth time, and we don't get ANY sense of emotion or feeling from him, I get extremely annoyed.

Sorry Diabolical Delightment fans. And I know there are many of you, looking at the ridiculous number of awards it won, but I can't see how this thing can keep you entertained for so long! Oh, don't give me that crap about 'oh, it was made in 2000, and you should not treat it like a 2004 movie'. Even for 2000! I really can't see how this can compete with the likes of the awesome Bodily Functions, which was made in the SAME year! But OK, I suppose it was about time I told you another rare thing I liked, the bullet time. Yes, it is dated, but I tried to look at Diabolical Delightment as a 2000 movie. And despite it being ripped off, I suppose this would have looked quite impressive back then. The only other part of Diabolical Delightment which I relatively liked was towards the end. I use the word 'relatively' very loosely. I am talking about when Gustave and Jack teamed up against Vampire Freak (names are generally not important in an overrated action movie like this). Original? No. But it surprisingly worked. There was LESS swearing and the deaths actually had a small point. But don't get too excited, the Scientist army massacre was still retarded.

So, you're probably thinking that I hate every single movie that I come across? No. Every other movie I have mentioned in this review, such as JDR Revolutions, SATANIK and Bodily Functions, is better, and in some way or another, they are linked to Diabolical Delightment, only they come out comfortably on top of this atrocious crap. For example, JDR Revolutions and Diabolical Delightment are linked because they are both P.A.M.s. It's just that JDR Revolutions is by far the better one. SATANIK has a lot of swear words, like Diabolical Delightment. But SATANIK actually uses them to such a great effect, emphasizing the cruelty of Satanik. Bodily Functions is a 2000 movie, and so is Diabolical Delightment. Only, Bodily Functions is a hell of a lot better. See the pattern? But no! No, no, no! I hate to say this, but if it wasn't for Diabolical Delightment, the JDR series would not have been like they are now. So I have to give some credit to Will Maltby on this. Ugh. Don't make me ever say that again.

Haha, so you are new to 3DMM and you wonder if I will recommend Diabolical Delightment to you? Well, you obviously haven't been reading this review so far. OK, let's sum it all up. If you are a Maltby fan, or loved the first movie, Enriched Enlightment (and no, I have no intention to see it in the near future), I can't stop you. You are bound to have a look sooner or later. Anyone else? Do you really need to ask? All you have to do is read the first paragraph to see how much I hated it. Admittedly Diabolical Delightment was better than the likes of Killing Spree (sorry Dash, Tucker Hime), and it was, in a way, revolutionary (but not as much as some people think), and so I can't really give this a hugely disastrous score. But screw Diabolical Delightment. Instead, I will dedicate the rest of my review to a BETTER P.A.M., JDR Revolutions, and I will tell you why it is miles better than Diabolical Delightment. JDR Revolutions actually has a plot which is RELEVANT to the random action. There is NOT an excessive amount of pointless deaths, and the trio, Jeffrey, Dan and Rory, DO have some sort of personality UNLIKE Gustave and Jack. I fully accept that some people won't like JDR Revolutions at all, but I really can't see how people can praise and worship the over-the-top Diabolical Delightment. If you want to see a P.A.M., watch JDR Revolutions.

Score: 49/100