The Masters

Jeff Ching hailed this movie as one of the most entertaining films in the festival, as well as some other people. All I'm wondering, of course, is what movie you guys saw. Because the one I saw is a piece of shit, a really, really annoying piece of shit.

The Masters is an old-school action movie. Instead of making his own scenes, Konrad keeps it simple, using default scenes throughout most of the movie. The rest of the time, he just adds a hilariously horrible loop of a car with colored cubes on the background. Since the scenes are the default scenes, instead of Konrad actually doing the scenes, the movie has no style whatsoever. It's a complete void directing-wise. Zero. Nada. There is no visual characteristic to be found here.

The movie is about a bunch of nameless retards hitting each other for an eternal amount of time. Yup, that's it. And then it ends with a punchline. The punchline alone should make me take off one whole point from this movie, because I've fucking had it with the idiotic punchlines this FF has had so far, and this one is just the last one I'm going to fucking take. Was I supposed to laugh at this? Was this supposed to be funny? What was the director thinking? "Yeah, they'll all laugh after all the excitement has gone by"?

Jeff Ching mentioned how we should admire the creativity of this movie. I have a better idea, Jeff. Admire my foot in your fucking jaw, because I would have ignored this gargantuan piece of shit if it weren't for positive reviews from guys like you. There is NOTHING to be admired from this movie. NOTHING. I mean, where's the creativity that I should be admiring? Is it in the fact that the movie makes action scenes exactly the way the program was intended to be used, with the scenes and angles it brings, like a good boy who's watched those McZee movies too much? Let's throw a damn party, why don't we? That the movie emulates the directing form of the past, with shitty MIDIs to boot? That it's minimalist, so fucking minimalist that there's not even competent music? Open the fucking champagne! Or that, like almost every other fucking movie in this film festival, it has absolutely no story whatsoever?

What exactly does this movie achieve? In the long run, what can be influential about this movie? What, the use of default scenes again? How fucking progressive of us. If this were well executed, it'd be a mere curiosity, a "look what can be done... whoo... let's move on" triviality, like Johnny Samsinite. But it's not executed well. It's boring. It has no emotion whatsoever. The music sucks shit. There's no direction. There's no acting. There's no story. There's NOTHING. NOTHING. Could someone explain to me the creativity of not even trying to do something new with the program, instead relying on a style that's 7 years old?!? And if you're going to tell me this was a homage to old movies, then shove it. Because it sucked at making me feel nostalgic. If anything, this movie makes me hate old movies. Which I used to love. So even lesser points. God, I hate this movie.

0/5. You want to be creative? Tell a story.