The Black Woods

(this was part of a full Film Festival review)

Then came what many considered the first good movie of the festival, The Black Woods. Get the fuck out. Like many movies before it, The Black Woods is an incoherent, stupid mess of a movie that is unentertaining, annoying, and just plain lame.

Generally this is the part where I post a synopsis for the movie, but the "plot" here was so abnormal that I stopped following it around the halfway point, focusing instead on all the nice colors. The movie starts off with a kid going to the woods (which ironically don't play much of a part here), getting to a house, and finding his father. After a confrontation with Anaconda, the kid ends up killing himself. And then David Lynch takes the reigns of this movie, and then I have a whole lot of time to sit and stare at the screen so that I can at least say I saw the whole thing.

Directing-wise, this movie was just plain inconsistent. Many scenes were just awful, with lame angles and an unfinished feel to them. However, other scenes were somewhat intriguing and suspenseful, and they probably would have even more suspenseful if I actually knew what in the hell was going on in this wacky film. But you know, I'd be willing to ignore all these animation problems if there was a solid story behind it. As I've said, there is no such thing. There isn't even clarity. Characters come in and out, they die, they talk to some jackass, and all I'm doing is wondering "oh god, when will it end?". Just what the hell is this movie about, anyway?

Nearing the end, an evil character mentioned his evil plan in a passing sentence, and I wondered "what the hell does this have to do with anything that has gone before?". I just don't have the patience anymore to sit through a muddled story giving my precious attention to it. The movie was wholly unengaging, and after a moderately decent introduction, it completely lost me, to the point that I didn't even want to bother to rewind and see just what the hell that trenchcoat guy was babbling about.

Oh, and you stole some sounds that I made for Asylum and didn't credit it. There goes your charity points. 1/5.