Tom Breed reviews Satanik

SATANIK

Andres De La Hoz.

The name strikes fear into the hearts of 3dmm newbies everywhere. He is notorious for destroying the self esteems of said newbies, with a quick, fierce execution: "DIE, SHITHEEL"

The man is an ass hole. We all know that. We also know he is secretly a cuddly teddy bear on the inside. More importantly, we know is he arguably one of best 3dmm directors, ever.

So, we come to the best's best: Satanik.

This movie seethes with an atmosphere, an unspoken originality, and incredible execution. Let's break it down.

THE STORY
Fantastically simple: Satanik (bad guy) plans a heist. Detective Mercier (good guy) wants to stop him. I refuse to divulge any finer details, because anybody who's seen it remembers it and anybody who hasn't needs to see it for themselves.

THE VOICE ACTING
Unsurpassed on all fronts. Jaymond as Satanik is inarguably the best 3dmm performance in 3dmm's 10 year history. This isn't even up for discussion. This isn't mere opinion folks, this is damn well a FACT. His attitude and the presence that emit from the character are because of Jaymond and Jaymond alone. Andres could've written the script with lines like, "I am Satanik and I am fuck broccoli." With Jay's ability it would come off just as smarmy and super-egotistical as every line in this movie does.

Jon Barton is fantastic as the Detective Mercier, who comes off as almost insecure in a few ways. It fits the character well, being a great detective while at the same time is shy towards his love interest and fellow cop, Nina. (also voiced by Jaymond, yes, a girl, but it works well so shut up.) It truly takes a great voice actor to give animated characters (let alone 3dmm characters) a true sense of depth, and Jon and Jay executed it perfectly.

Even bit roles by people such as Jeff Ching and Klaymen are great. Everyone is great.

Oh. Wait a minute. THE GIRL. SNATCH. "DANA." SHE SUCKS. I wish someone would fuck her throat until she suffocated. Andres must not be a perfectionist since he kept her lines in. (note: maybe he was under a time restraint, I do not know.) Her acting is possibly the only true thing that keeps this movie from being perfection.


THE DIRECTION
Incredible. This is one of the last great films before the instillation of v3dmm, and is a perfect example of where the community would be if v3dmm never existed. Of course, backgrounds as flattened cubes are kind of tacky, but so is the entire program, and to hold that against any film in this medium is just silly. No wait, its just STUPID. That said, its easily forgiven, and you don't really go out of your way to notice them and say, "aw, flattened cubes "

The many styles: the comic book, the opening credits, and my personal favorite, the flashback. All great fun. There is no better way to put it than that. Its just FUN. Its fun to look at, its fun to go, "jesus Andres is a mad-man," and its damn sure just plain pretty to look at. The dream sequence with HMCs of Satanik and Mercier in a foreign language is hilariously and brilliantly executed. The flashback (one of my favorite scenes in the movie) is awesome, with its many intriguing and original transitions. The scenery is beautiful, and definitely shows off De La Hoz's eye for .. simply said, "what works."

The constant comic book style throughout the film is probably the most important to bring attention to: Since the entire movie is, essentially, a comic book, what better way than to portray it by throwing it at us with panels. You know how Sin City worked so well in correspondence with its style? Same goes here with the panels. It just works.

THE MUSIC
Leave it to Andres to find the perfect mood setting music that include songs we've never heard of as well as songs we love, and then perfectly match them with their corresponding scenes. Sadly, abrupt cut offs and/or transitions are rather distracting, resulting in one of the few flaws with this flick. Jaymond's rap at the end is awesome, and funny. What else would you expect from a Jaymond rap?


OVERALL
Arguably the best 3dmm film ever made. Its not without its flaws, though: The overall pretentious way some characters come off, Snatch's horrible, horrible voice acting, and the abrupt music cut offs--and that is why I cannot give this movie 100/100. But in the long run, these flaws don't matter. This film was definitely one of the best of its time, and most certainly still is. Definitely worth the download and watch. ITS JUST SO MUCH FUN.


IN CONCLUSION
So, even though our dear Andres is a god damn son of a bitch, and even though he didn't like Tom Breed In Satanik, the fact is he was one of the greats. Pikios, Haynes, Goro, Redwampa, Maltby, and Andres. And this movie is the perfect example why.

95/100





BONUS REVIEW!!!
TOM BREED IN SATANIK
100/100.

[Aaron Haynes]

Originally Posted by Tom Breed

The man is an asshole. We all know that. We also know he is secretly a cuddly teddy bear on the inside.

Beneath that, however, is another asshole.

[Andres]

hey fuck you man >:[

satanik was a very good, original, 'crazy shit' movie where i tried everything i could. unfortunately i never could accept the fact that i'm, at heart, not an action director, and my grandiose ideas for the finale were reduced to, well, a lot less. i probably should have made the bank robbery (was it even a bank. i dont remember anymore) something less on the action side and more on the suspense side, b/c the climax was better that way b/c of time limitations. the reason i kept snatch's voices and kept a lot of things in the movie that i didn't like was because i finished that movie before going off to college and ending 3dmm forever. it would have been cool to do it better and stuff but at that point i really just wanted to close that chapter of my youth. and i did. anyway satanik was ok. i wish it would have been less perverted, and more importantly, based on an original idea, so that i could actually display this shit to other people and advertise it online and rework it with v3dmm and .avi effects and stuff like that. but no. don't want people to think i'm a molester. ok bye. but yeah. i mean i've always thought about the movie and just thought 'man... shoulda just like... made a movie in the same style, but about some other shit... or just have the bad guy be some bad guy instead of some masked guy... i mean fuck this. SATANIK? what am i gonna do with that? hey look guys i made a movie about some existing property'. FUCK. its discouraged me from really parading it around as 'my baby'. that and all the insane sex.