I Love You, My Darling

SPOILERS:- Yee have been warned

I Love You My Darling is a perfect example of a good idea getting in the way of the quality of a film. The idea itself is fairly ambitious and would be tough for anyone to execute convincingly. The problem with this film is that in order for it to work, you must be prepared to swallow some of the most absurd motivations for the characters (if they even have them at all). Even the fact that this film is well directed can't save it from being impossible to swallow. There are some great shots and scenery in this film mostly. The beginning of the movie starts the chain of absurdity. Instead of having a sequence of events that sets the story, Bevis cuts a major corner by pretty much having the bad guy tell the audience what's going on in a very matter of fact way. This is made worse by the fact that this guy sounds like a not very bothered Liquid Snake. "Muahaha! I'll just drink my dry martini and watch my masterplan go into motion. I am so evil!". We're assuming that he's hijacking the plane but this guy doesn't seem bothered that he's about to die. In fact, he's quite optimistic. In fact, he seems to show total disregard for anything that's about to happen. RIGHT.

Then we meet "The other guy". He's shitting his pants over something. We're meant to assume he's the other guys hijacking buddy "Alex" because he's saying stuff like "This is huge....this is really huge...Okay calm yourself down....you're being ridiculous". Sounded immediately suspect to me but on we go. We then meet the couple who the film supposedly is based upon. They're sitting next to "Alex" and having a discussion about whether some man is funny or not.

Man:- "Oh my god, are you actually trying to tell me you thought that man was funny? Come on he was so lame"

Woman:- "Ohh he was not that bad. Come on I liked him"

Man:- "Oh really. I didn't hear you laughing a great deal"

Woman:- "Oh shush be quiet"

THE DIVERSITY OF LOVE. Oh my god. What's with all the "Oh's" anyway? I think this is meant to be character development but I can't tell because right now I already think both of them are retarded and they both deserve each other but whatever. BLAH BLAH BLAH more shitty conversation put in there just because yadayada.

Back to this "Alex" guy who's still shitting his pants about something. "Dear god this is ridiculous!" he exclaims and he's right. He makes a few incriminating comments again like "We've been planning this for a year". Hmmm. Then we go back to the original bad guy, not bothered as ever about the impending task he is about to undertake. "Hmm a few more minutes will do the trick" he says with anticipation. This guy has problems. And his English accent is growing thicker by the martini's. He even calls the stewardess "sweetheart". Hey, maybe he's not that bad after all. Anyway, we go back to the couple and "Alex". He's still looking nervous (COS HE'S THE TERRORIST RIGHT?) and the woman expresses her concern to her husband. After discussing whether to say anything to him, they decide no, they can't be bothered. I'm telling you, these guys are assholes. And if that didn't convince you...

"Y'know, last night was amazing"

"I know, I think we woke up the couple next door"

"I love you sweetheart..."

I hope there are sick bags on that plane. Anyway, the really bad English guy decides it's time to do his thing and declares "Right then. Let's do it!" AND PULLS OUT A GUN! I mean what a stunning turn of events! DAMN YOU AIRPORT SECURITY! After getting the passengers and stewards under control he then utters his definative line. "LET THE GAME BEGIN". This guy's really whacky.
Now we get to the point in the film where it all goes horribly wrong. Which is interesting because I'm pretty sure it was the first thing that was planned in this film. The bad guy calls "Alex" to come and help him. We see the guy we know as "Alex" still sitting next to the couple looking uncomfortable but he stays seated. The bad guy decides that it's come to that time (and there is usually one in every bad movie) where he explains his motives to the passengers, as if they give a fuck.

Basically, here is his explanation:-

"Ladies and gentlemen, this plane is being hijacked by someone VERY ANGRY with society. People think they can send me to jail, lock me away for nothing. People like your jackass president think they know more about me than I do. I couldn't even afford to sit with these politicians in business class because of their stupid system, resulting with me having.....NO MONEY! They sent me down, and now I'm gonna do the same to them. They're gonna pay."


......AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!


.....BWAHAHAHAHA! His justifications for hijacking the plane is that he's ANGRY at society? He's gonna kill a bunch of people who have nothing to do with him being sent to jail because of that? hahahahaha and then he moans about the system not providing him with money and how hijacking a plane is going to be some sort of revenge. Now, for the sake of story or whatever we're going to call it, I'll just go "okay, maybe he's stupid or something". He should have just kept his mouth shut. If I was on that plane I'd probably be laughing, half because of the absurdity of what a grown man has just said and half because of his accent which is getting more outrageous than ever before. Either way, this character is a TOTAL joke. I'm just going to assume that he's meant to be a joke because there's no way he can be taken seriously. Considering the timing of the speech though, it certainly doesn't lend itself to what's supposed to be a dramatic scene. I'm still in shock as to how a guy with a criminal record (presumably in America) can smuggle a gun aboard an International flight.

"Alex! Come on!" (Or whatever the hell, I'm past caring now)

So this "Alex" guy is still nervous presumably because he's supposed to be a terrorist but he hasn't identified himself yet. Then laughably, the husband starts to ask him questions like "Why have you been so nervous?" and "Why have you been so shaky?". I mean come on! First of all, you're in the middle of a hijack. I don't know about you but when someones waving a gun at me midflight I don't start interrogating the guy sitting next to me. There's other times for that. And also I think when your plane is being hijacked, you're allowed to be nervous/shaky. Seriously, AS IF that line of questioning would even occur. Ever. Anyway, to cut short something that just drags on we find out that the guy we thought was "Alex" is actually just a nervous flyer and his real name is "Michael" (as if he couldn't have just been lying). This is then left forever, the audience never being told what the hell this Michael was rambling about. (He's been planning this for a year?). With the bad guy still shouting for Alex we realise OH GOD, WHO IS ALEX????

Of course it's the one other character who is in the film i.e the only person who could be Alex, the wife. I mean of course it wasn't just going to be some random but just...what? Listen, I know I've slagged this movie off quite a bit but that very revelation makes my blood boil. There's just....nothing I can say. I like to say I can stretch my imagination to allow certain silly things slide but this isn't just a silly thing. It's a ridiculous idea that's just there because it's a twist. It doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Now comes the most idiotic part of the film. "I love you my darling" the wife says. OH REALLY YOU FUCKING IDIOT? Well please tell me why you brought your loved one on board? Why did you need to do that? Couldn't you have spared the life of the person you supposedly love and still do this stupid senseless act? What a selfish bitch. I'm not sure if that scene was supposed to be sad or touching but well, it wasn't. She then proceeds to pull out a gun (SERIOUSLY...AIRPORT SECURITY WTF?) and shoots some holes in the plane or something. At this point I don't even know whether the plane's in on it. Anyway, the sad part is, the film ends quite brilliantly. The plane crash is animated extremely well and some of the exterior shots were some of the best animation I've seen in a 3d movie.

This is the problem. Everything is right about I Love You My Darling except the plot. The animation is of a high standard and some parts (like the plane crash) were brilliant. But the storyline was so unbelievably silly that it was laughable. It seemed to me like Bevis came up with the twist and worked his way backwards, but it doesn't matter because none of the build up is believable, never mind the actual twist itself. The characters actions are just too unbelievable. The bad guy and the wife's motivations are not even dealt with properly, he has some blind swipe at the powers that be, she seems to be part of it just for the twist. I still cannot get over the line that is the title of this stinker:-

I Love You My Darling - Then why did you bring me onto the plane?

[Aaron Haynes]

Originally Posted by Jay Gilsenan

"I love you my darling" the wife says. OH REALLY YOU FUCKING IDIOT? Well please tell me why you brought your loved one on board? Why did you need to do that? Couldn't you have spared the life of the person you supposedly love and still do this stupid senseless act?

But then the movie wouldn't have been able to do the identity twist at the end!

Which confirms what bothered me the most about it: the twist is more important to Bevis than the plot standing up to scrutiny, the character motivation making sense, or the dialogue developing the couple's relationship and giving us context for the final minute of the movie. Even though it's a logistical nightmare, though, I could've largely forgiven that if I was made to sufficiently care about what happened to these people. I wasn't.

I love the final twenty seconds or so, though. Very tight.

[Raz]

Well yeah, I thought the idea of a twist was that there was some sort of major revelation at the end that you can look back on the story and go "wow, how didn't I get that?". You can't do this here at all because there's nothing that points towards it whatsoever and no sensible reason why we should believe it happens.
I can suspend belief no problem. But when an event ruins the whole previous film in an attempt to give us closure on what happened - then I think it's a HUGE problem.

[Andres]

so was this basically "missing" on a plane?

[Tuna Hematoma]

Originally Posted by Aaron Haynes

the twist is more important to Bevis than the plot standing up to scrutiny

Bevis is a huge fan of M. Night Shyamalan