PIRATES REVIEW!

Pirates - The Cut Throats Treasure
Directed by: Buzvonlurt (Chris Burrage) of Burrage Productions and Eclipse Studios
Starring: Buzvonlurt (Chris Burrage), Getysburg (Micah Cox), Tuna Hematoma, Cody Pittman, Apifigur and Gustave.


This movie is from 2004, but a review must be deserved, right?...

So, Pirates... No, not downloading Torrents or Downloading files off Shareaza
or eMule, but real pirates... Treasure, Swords, Ships, Cannons... Jack Sporrow!

...Hehehe! but yes, this movie is about Pirates finding Treasure while Comedic
Hijinx insue, so, let's rip apart 'Pirates - The Cut Throats Treasure' and see if
it has a bunch of rewatch value, or if your board and you have nothing else to do,
like me! so let's dive in...


first off, we start off with the names of the cast, which is always a cliché found in
a lot of movies, and then we are somewhere in Nassua in the year 1716 where
we see Captain Freeman (voiced by Tuna, sounds a bit like Mr. Bill from SNL) is
talking to one of the Pirates about a missing pirateship? huh?

then after the 'arguing', we see a cool pirateship with Augustin having beard, like
damn, he might have gone old... then we... see a pub called 'The Jolly Sailor'?
hmmmm... let's play a little game, it's called 'Getting confused after a scene',
We just saw a fucking pirateship swim past with a bearded Augustin pirate looking
at the sea, and then we see a exterior of a pub named 'The Jolly Sailor', no
seriously... The Jolly Sailor... Jolly Sailor... JOLLY SAILOR MOON!!!!!!!

ok, sorry for upsetting weaboos that a pub is missing the word 'Moon', so let's
carry on... then we see Freeman in the pub, when a old man come out of
nowhere, then he goes away, god this movie is rough on humor, it is like
  Row Row Row Your Boat, Gently The Stream, If You See A Old Man,
Don't Forget To Scream, AAHHHHH!  ... then his hearing aids fall off

then we see Rise and Shine, Mr. Freeman... Rise and... Shine! oops, i mean
Captain Freeman leaving the pub until he see Alexander calling Freeman a
whore, he burps ('cos he is drunk) and falls to the floor, y'know kids, here
is a lesson for ya... DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL! IT WAS A ENTIRE PROBLEM IN
BULLHORN PART 1 WHERE BULLHORN AND MAC GET DRUNK AND GET SO
DRUNK THAT THEY FUCK PROSTITUTES IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM! LIKE
IF THERE FUCKING LARRY CRAIG!


...damn, this review is going insane, but still gonna carry on, then we see
some random scenes in a 'Whore House' with bunch of people dancing, a
guy falling on the door with the door of the Whore House, where we meet
Captain Morgan, where he says the 'Fuck' and 'Fucking' almost everytime,
like if he is a sailor himself, then we see Rob reading letter from Freeman
explaining on how they going to storm 'Black Beard' (which i assume is
Augustin from the beginning scene), and they they have a awards for him,
what was the award you ask... well, i don't know, but we will find out, but
Rob questions himself... why did he join the Royal Navy? well, i don't know
either but he is pirate, all things considered.

then we see the entire gang about to make there plan, but stopped by none
other then the man in the golden suit, where one scene (Scene 30)
just shows he chest, like damn, did Chris (Buz) have a 'chest fetish'? oh
well, then we see our mates boarding up there ship! and take a look on
how beautiful it is... then the gold suit dude gets hungry (sadly no Mały Głód),
but Freeman being the asshole he is, forgot to pack food, what a total
retard, like if he wants his gang to starve to death! but luckily, they get
some barrels of rum, then we see the Gustave pirate forcing a woman
to show her boobs, then the lady attacks him, because he was a pervert,
then... all hell breaks loose!


the ship was being shot by cannons, so Captian Freeman rushes over to
that ship while the soundtrack to Disney's Pirates and the Caribbean plays
in the background, then the crazy shit happens... various pirates swing
there swords and knifes and shoot there guns where all epic action scenes
take place, with fucking bloodshed everywhere, i don't mind you, but the
swords here looks like the Japanese Yen (¥) instead of real swords, well
mind you this was months before v3dmm came into existence, so everyone
had to import other characters as HMCs and 3D Words at this point, and
Pirates is no exception, then Freeman fights Augustin (or 'Black Beard) and
the action continues, then Rob tries to kill Black Beard, but Black Beard
kills Rob instead, but he is not actually dead... the fight continues on more
and eventually, the battle is won... with Freeman killing Ramu, and the
gold suit dude shooting a cannon at the ship.



...and the movies ends, on somesort of Cliffhanger, with the pirates leaving
one by one, with the Alexander character saying 'Arrrgh!' and the movies,
just ends...


well, that was Pirates - The Cut Throats Treasure, a film about Pirates going
on a adventure while Comedic Hijinx insue, looking for the gang known as
'The Cut Throats' or something like that, with a soundtrack set to Monkey
Island 3 & 4 and Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean, y'know, i haven't played
any of the Monkey Island games, i probably should! because Monkey Island
is the theme in Aaron Haynes' Avatar and Signature that Dan Martin made in
around 2010, but still... a pretty funny movie!



Critical Score: 68/100
Personal Score: 72/100


...P.S (a message to Chris/Buz): when are getting Bullhorn Part 2: Titan Tasty and the unfinished Bullhorn Part 3?

[PizzaLuigi]

Nice poem.

[Autistic British Jackass]

It's not poem! It's a goddamn review!

[Old Rivers]

For your reviews, try to spend less time telling us what happens in the movie, and more time telling us your opinion of the movie. If we're reading the review, we've presumably already seen the movie and therefore we don't need a long, detailed plot summary.