Bown’s Sniper @ HQ Contest Judge Reviews What’s Good

Some thoughts: So I got drunk before writing these and it shows pretty clearly. Looking back, I think I went a little too hard on the like “Bown persona” I have for this community, but hey, that’s what you motherfuckers want from me right?? Did I successfully feed the beast???? Are you not entertained????????? Anyway great contest, I always really enjoy judging these.


Articoll

What up Microsoft 3D Movie Maker community it me Bown back with some reviews for ya butts!!!! First up in this sniper contest we got Artcoll? Articoil? This guy. He posts good stuff but his first entry was not up to that standard and I think I accidentally shamed him into redoing it which sorry buddy but this was a big improvement and also it wasn’t an accident really. This one makes good use of Superdings and is fairly amusing, the sniper character (presumably Artcoll himself) is somewhat of a failure but he still manages to snipe the entire discord. There’s not a lot of humour (the presidential announcements bit not having any dialogue was a letdown) but it’s still a solid entry and I really hope Artcoll keeps making 3dmm stuff as he has great potential.

Animation: 3/5
Scenery: 3/5
Creativity: 2/5
Humour: 2/5
TOTAL: 10/20


Toonsville

Another contest, another Toonsville joint. In this entry the victim is Patryk (who threatened to essentially become even more of an irritating lunatic than usual if Toonsville sniped him, so yikes!), who goes into Augustin Burger and starts doing his usual whiny bullshit, before Augustin realises that Patryk was previously banned from the restaurant and absolutely wrecks his shit, just a brutal fucking murder that ends with Toonsville himself taking the final shot. While mostly this is your typical Deakin fare I did find it very funny just how hard he went on Patryk, showing a level of vehemence we rarely see from him, but that is surely well-deserved. You go, Jack!

Animation: 2/5
Scenery: 3/5
Creativity: 2/5
Humour: 4/5
TOTAL: 11/20


Patryk

Following on from an entry where Patryk gets absolutely wrecked we have Patryk himself choosing to snipe Plopilpy, which is fair enough honestly, I think we‘ve all wanted to put a bullet between that Canuck’s eyes at one point or another. Extra points for calling Plop a “Canadian bastard” and a “spoiled cunt”, taken away for the plothole of Patryk himself being played by any other actor besides Bongo. Patryk has honestly improved consistently with his animation but he still isn’t great, and the Vlarion parody where “Dask Patryk” and Plop piss and cum on each other is simply horrendous! Patryk, you horrible man! Mr. Blobby shows up at the end for literally no fucking reason. Okay. I gave him one extra point in humour for actually doing the classic Will Maltby “headKARRRRRRRters” thing.

Animation: 3/5
Scenery: 1/5
Creativity: 2/5
Humour: 2/5
TOTAL: 8/20


JPr

This entry is way too fucking long. I haven’t started watching it yet, but when you know you know. I’m gonna go for a wee. Ok I’m back. So JPr is sniping Kenny, who is just sort of a bizarre figure in general. This voice acting…..is this kid like six years old? The HMCs are pretty good. I appreciate that there is actual voice acting instead of AI shit but the voices are really quiet. I truly have no idea what’s going on in this movie but I like his Ride the Lightning shirt. The grammar in the message from Pizza is completely nonsensical. I don’t understand any of this dialogue at all!!!!!!!!! Why is Sherman’s little furry guy pointing a gun at Pizza? Why is there an anime girl? Now Slipknot is playing???? Good song tbh. OH NO PATRYK IS FUCKING A BOWN BODY PILLOW OH JESUS CHRIST C’MON MAN. None of the scenes in this movie have any connection to any of the other scenes. Rivers is gonna be furious about all the cityscape mod stuff. The car chase isn’t very good but heck I’ve seen worse. I think I have to take this as just a completely absurdist piece, in which case sure I guess. The credits say he finished it on July 28th. That’s in the future! This made me want to kill myself.

Animation: 2/5
Scenery: 1/5
Creativity: 2/5
Humour: ?????/5 let’s say 2
TOTAL: 7/20


Onattien

That’s that shiiiiiiit!!!!!! An absolute blast of an entry from one of the most promising users. The animation especially is just fantastic - Onattien clearly has a really great sense of timing and pacing that means he could have a strong future in the animation field in general if he wanted to follow that - but it also looks very nice and there’s a lot of solid visual gags that I laughed at quite a bit. He sniped Lt but doesn’t necessarily lampoon Lt in any way, even though there’s a lot to make fun of, with how annoying and useless that guy is. Still, the craft of this movie is truly phenomenal, and I really hope Onattien continues to hone his 3dmm skills. The credits are too long but every motherfucker in here made their credits too long, the fuck is up with y’all? Needed a Dale Login reference, otherwise extremely good.

Animation: 5/5
Scenery: 4/5
Creativity: 4/5
Humour: 3/5
TOTAL: 16/20


Lt Films

Oh hey here’s Lt’s entry! He called it “An LT Joint” but I doubt he’s ever seen a single Spike Lee movie. Anyway he is revenge sniping Onattien but the movie is just a complete piece of shit. Jeff Ching scenery and awful animation. The humour isn’t completely terrible, by which I mean I kinda was vaguely amused by the clones thing and that’s it. The way it ends basically insinuates that Lt rapes Onattien’s corpse, before saying “now the flowers will grow.” What the fuck?????? WHAT THE FUCK????? Lt that is a CHILD. Lt is bad at feuds with Plop and he’s bad at 3dmm. Make a Dale Login movie already you fucking waste of space.

Animation: 2/5
Scenery: 1/5
Creativity: 2/5
Humour: 1/5
TOTAL: 6/20


PizzaLuigi

Pizza delayed the contest quite a bit and worked many late nights to finish this entry, and I’m not gonna front; it was worth it! A very funny entry that properly satirises its target while also having really good action. Plop once again is the target, with Pizza sniping him for his general uselessness. The voice acting by Pizza, Patryk, and Old Rivers is very funny (I’m also in it but I’m tryna remain impartial n shit), while I enjoyed the different plotlines and use of “rascal boys”. That Pizza actor mod really looks nothing like Pizza, huh? He’s like a Mexican kid with a jewfro not whatever that actor is. The idea that I think of Plop and Pizza as my sons is completely inaccurate - they’re just two idiots I know on the internet - but for movie humour purposes it’s very funny. The animation of me drunkenly stumbling around is super funny and way more accurate than Pizza could have ever realised. The movie perhaps slows down a little too much after that, but I really enjoyed Patryk becoming a starboy and the parody of Plop’s Augustin Burger contest entry with him stupidly quoting Shakespeare. Main issues are an abrupt ending and a few not so hot bits of scenery. The credits music is both vintage Patryk and completely fucking horrible - he literally takes one word as an excuse to cover an entire Queen song - but I won’t hold that against Pizza despite how much my ears are bleeding rn. A really funny entry and I need a wee again sorry I’m cutting this short brb. Am I giving Pizza and Onattien the same score so the winner is decided by the other judges???? MAYBE

Animation: 4/5
Scenery: 3/5
Creativity: 4/5
Humour: 5/5
TOTAL: 16/20

Plopilpy

Did not submit an entry. The failure fails again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

Animation: 0/5
Scenery: 0/5
Creativity: 0/5
Humour: 0/5
Total: 0/20

[PizzaLuigi]

Always look forward to reading the Bown reviews, you’ve done it again. Thank you.

[Old Rivers]

I thought we were all in agreement that Pizza is black.

[Autistic British Jackass]

Ahem...

Originally Posted by Tom Bown

Did I successfully feed the ????