AeOn

[Slade]

EDIT: slightly newer cover test, not that it's changed much since a year ago. still a work in progress though ultimately not that important right now.

So yeah, I've mentioned this a little bit here and there, and since creative writing has started popping up in the Art Gallery (albeit with very little response), I've decided I'll share a bit of what I'm doing. The book's still a long way from being finished, but I'm curious to see what people think of this thing anyway, cause I haven't really shown it to anyone yet (excluding the cover image thread I made a while back).

Below is a very small snippet from the first chapter, so basically, have a skim through if you're interested and let me know what you think. Anything, good or bad - constructive criticism's very welcome at this point because I'm a total amateur and I don't want to get into bad habits. I'm going to keep writing it either way, but I'm curious to know what other people think of it, because I've been writing this on and off for like two years now without any outside opinions.

EDIT: Old version deleted. A constantly-updating draft of the story is being hosted here:
http://aeon-story.blogspot.co.uk/

[Dominator Dan]

Oo, interesting, I don't really read books so I have no idea how a proper good book reads, but i'm assuming part of it has something to do with making it easy for the reader to imagine the scenery vividly as they read through, allowing for more IMMERSION. Which I think you've done a good job with so far, but always keep that in mind.

YEAH.

edit: also maybe consider putting WILL SLADE elsewhere on the cover, if not, put a "by" next to/above it, hahah, i genuinely read it first as "Aeon will slade" like some sort of omen that the plot is based around, as if slading is some sort of verb, fuck whatever

[Slade]

Haha yeah, it did say 'written by' originally, then Bown pointed out that books generally don't say that, they just have the title and the author's name. But yeah, good point, I'll move the name down.

Also thanks!

[Breed]

Still can't believe your last name is Slade. What are you an action hero?

[Breed]

I don't know where this is going, and it is definitely an interesting concept so far, but this isn't the kind of writing that I enjoy. Its execution is a bit on the nose, and so it doesn't give me time to wonder and theorize or eager to read on. I think what I am trying to say is it lacks suspense, or, at least, a suspense that keeps me wanting to read on.

I don't read much non-fiction by the way, in general it doesn't do it for me mostly, so this may not be a review of your process or your execution as much as me being uninterested in the genre, so take it leave it whatever helps :P

[Slade]

Originally Posted by Tom Breed

Still can't believe your last name is Slade. What are you an action hero?

Only by night.

Originally Posted by Tom Breed

I don't know where this is going, and it is definitely an interesting concept so far, but this isn't the kind of writing that I enjoy. Its execution is a bit on the nose, and so it doesn't give me time to wonder and theorize or eager to read on. I think what I am trying to say is it lacks suspense, or, at least, a suspense that keeps me wanting to read on.

It may need some work then, because that's ultimately what I want it to do. I want it to provoke curiosity and intrigue, etc etc. Earlier drafts had a longer, slower-paced intro, but I just found it too boring that way - I didn't want it to get too pretentious or anything. Ultimately it's a science fiction story though, so I don't expect it to interest everyone, no matter what shape it's in.

Originally Posted by Tom Breed

I don't read much non-fiction by the way, in general it doesn't do it for me mostly, so this may not be a review of your process or your execution as much as me being uninterested in the genre, so take it leave it whatever helps :P

Haha, I take it you meant to say 'fiction' rather than 'non-fiction'? Either way, thanks for checking it out.

[Evil Ash]

It took me until the end of the excerpt to realize the main character was a robot, haha.

I read "receptors" and I was like, "Ugh, obvious thesaurus alert. Just keep it simple, man, no need to get all wordy" but then as I read on I realized it literally meant receptors and not ears.

[Pizza The Hut]

I just now realized it was a robot from reading Ash's post.

Maybe I'm just a dummy though.

[Slade]

Ooo, goodie! That was intentional. I decided never to use the word 'robot' at any point in the story, the reader's just meant to figure it out on their own. Fair dos, there aren't many hints in what I posted, but it goes into more detail after.

[Compcat]

The whole "waking up with amnesia" concept is hardly original anymore, but the writing, at least from this short snippet, seems pretty good. But yeah, there would need to be a lot more before I could give any substantial thoughts on it.

I attempted to write a novel last summer, got about halfway through, but in coming back and reading through what I'd written, I almost felt physically ill it was so bad, so I definitely wish you luck with this.

[Slade]

Originally Posted by Compcat

The whole "waking up with amnesia" concept is hardly original anymore, but the writing, at least from this short snippet, seems pretty good. But yeah, there would need to be a lot more before I could give any substantial thoughts on it.

Thanks man. Yeah, amnesia is really unoriginal as a plot device, but I think it works better in this context because he's a robot, so it makes sense as a 'technological fault' - basically a memory wipe. It has a (somewhat) logical explanation, unlike with human characters where it's usually just some cheap 'mystery mental condition'.

Originally Posted by Compcat

I attempted to write a novel last summer, got about halfway through, but in coming back and reading through what I'd written, I almost felt physically ill it was so bad, so I definitely wish you luck with this.

Yeah, I've experienced that many times in writing this. But if it's a story you like and would like to tell, then it's worth sticking at, because it's normal for the first draft to be shit. But it does take time. I don't know what it is about this one for me, I just really want to see it through.

[Pizza The Hut]

is this wall-f?

[Slade]

There's some definite similarities, yeah, but it's a lot bleaker than Wall-e.

[Breed]

ahhaahah yeah I meant to say I pretty much ONLY read non-fiction, :P

[Breed]

oh it's a robot? OHHHHH.

[Slade]

hi.

so this is still going (though i still find myself doing more re-writing than writing) but i've put it on a blog so that i can update and share it easily, and also gimmick it up a little with some graphics and ambient music, etc.

there's a bit more of the story compared to what i originally posted a year ago, if anyone's interested. all in all it's still relatively short. plenty more to come. i seem to have hit a writing surge so i'm just kinda riding the wave while i can.

so yeah, lemme know what you think! all criticism welcome cause this is the only peer review i can really get on this thing right now.

[Pizza The Hut]

I read it

I liked it a lot esp. with the music

as far as pacing goes I understand you're going for a very epic drawn out pace but in some spots it felt a touch TOO long.

small nitpick: I don't think "irregular" works where you have it, feels out of place.

[Slade]

cheers! yeah I've gone back and forth a lot with the pacing of the opening over the years. it needs to be slow enough to build a bit of suspense but fast enough to not suck. always tinkering with it.

'irregular' is just there as a robotic-sounding phrase but yeah I'll probably just thesaurus something else. thanks