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MERRY CHIRSTMAS 3DMM

“Like the sunbeams from
A perfect summer day, Heaven seems only a step away.
When I’m with you, I just celebrate. I’m hoping my message gets through
There’s never been someone like you”

“You know now you, you give me something
Something that nobody else has got
And this love, that I’ve been wanting
Oh baby’s turning out too fast to stop”

- Jamiroquai, “You Give Me Something”

The supreme happiness in our life is the conviction that we are loved – loved for ourselves, or rather, in spite of ourselves.
- Victor Hugo

Dear Jamie Lee

Wassup? Yeah, I’m startin’ this letter on Tuesday night, after talkin’ to you. I’ll probably continue it until next week sometime, then I’ll send it. Though I’m moving this weekend, so I won’t be able to continue it until I get home from my dads… unless I stick it on disk and bring it with me.

So what have I been doin’? Well, lemme detail my weekend – though I already talked to you ‘bout it. On Friday, it was School Swimming Sports. I went, though I shouldn’t have, I got totally sunburned on the nose. Which sucks! I mean, I’m being called “Rudolph” and “Ronald McDonald”! Dammit! Anyway, that night I was going to my mate TJ’s place. So yeah, I went down to Mordialloc train station. I saw, at the other end of the platform, my mate Johnny – a kid in year eight, who me and Sgara love to throw around like some kind of rag doll. So I go up to him. He had a fucking red beret on. What the fuck? He was also hanging out with Goths – and he had eye shadow on! I nearly cotton fisted him in the fucking face. Anyway, as I walk towards him, the train pulls in, and as they said they would be, TJ and Matty (my stoner buds, TJ is a total nerd but Matt rules) were hanging out of the windows of the last carriage, yelling at me. So I go up to them, and Johnny hears them yelling “Cal” so he notices me, and I get on the carriage one door up from them.

Anyway, Johnny is like, waving to me, and behind him is TJ and Matt. The don’t know Johnny, he doesn’t know them. So Johnny thinks I am here to see him. So he is in my way going ‘Cal, how are you?’ And I practically walk through him, goin’ “Yeah, yeah Johnny, move” And keep walking, over to my mates. Which kinda got Johnny pissed off. Anyway at this point I looked at my wallet and only realised I had five bucks. I’d left my drinking money at home. Of course, we had weed, but I wanted alcohol – and those bastards said they wouldn’t shout me. I was pissed off, and ready to roll Johnny for whatever cash he had, but instead, we decided to get off at the next station and walk back to my place while my mum and brother were out at the video shop, to get my drinking cash. So we got off and walked for ten minutes, me in my fucking gangsta clothes, and I was fucking hot as in those clothes, which sucked! But yeah, we got to my place, I climbed in a window, then snuck out the front door with the money. My neighbours nearly saw us and they would have told my mum if they did, so we got the fuck outta there!

Anyway we walked back to Aspendale station again, and caught the train up to Chelsea station, talkin’ bout random shit like how these two fag guys at the swimming sports were making out. TJ and Matt both used to go to my school but now they go to another school, so they didn’t know about it. Anyway, we then walked to TJ’s house, which is a half-hour walk, and on the way, stopped at the liquor store. We brought a $32 bottle of Jim Beam (remember how I said it was my second favourite Jimmy? ;) two Bicardi Breezers, and four Metz Ices. Then we walked back to TJ’s house with it all in Matts bag. Anyway we walked past house with about six chicks sitting in the front yard. They came up to us and talked to us – Tj invited them to his place for some drinks. But TJ is a social retard. He scared them off, methinks.

We went home, and Matty went off to his place (five houses from TJ’) to get some smokes, cigars, our two grams of weed and his Jamiroquai drinking hat. I was then presented with eight fucking midori’s. Fucking TJ, he’s been lying to me. I walked twenty minutes in my gangsta clothing for nothing! So yeah, I went on his PC, checked my email, and then when Matt returned, I left MSN on and went out for a cigar. Heh. So after pickin’ up a Coke and a smile, I picked up the motherfuckin’ phone and dialled – but everyone was busy, so we three stoners were alone for the evening. After watching the Clerks cartoon on the Comedy Channel and having a few drinks, we went out into TJ’s garage, pulled up three chairs and smoked all of that damn weed. Soon after, we had some more drinks – in fact we had everything but the Jim Beam – then Matt passed out on the couch, and me and TJ watched Drowning Mona on Foxtel.

At about 10pm, I got restless and decided to walk down the street to the park and open the Jimmy. TJ agreed, but Matt was too wrecked. We told him if he didn’t go, we would have the Jimmy to ourselves. He still said he was too fucked, but as we closed the front door behind us, I saw Matt through the front window, dragging himself after us. We then proceeded to walk to the park. About two houses down, there was a party going on and all these cars were parked out the front. Without the intelligence to go around the cars, I began to climb onto the bonnet of the first one. Teej hissed something about the party going on, I think as a warning to me, so that I would get off the car. I looked at the house, where I could hear many intoxicated voices, muttered ‘Oh yeah” and continued to walk over the car roves, one by one.

At the park, I had about six capfuls of Jim Beam – straight, Tristan was too stupid to buy any Coke – and nearly fell asleep on top of some play equipment. I passed the bottle down to Matt, and the bastard begin running back to the house with it! So we following suit, and my plan of setting fire to the font lawn of a fat bitch from school was blown out of the proverbial waters. So yeah, the rest of the night was spent online, talking to you! A great way to end a great evening, I tell you now!

Saturday? I forget, serious! Except for the big fights me and brother had that night, where he tried to stab me in the eye with a power drill that was switched on, before trying to hit me with the claw hammer. I belted the crap out of him. Sunday? My brother’s birthday. He got jack shit. Heh. The rest of the week? Nothin’ much. Me and Sgara had the last three periods off so we called Matt, over at Sandringham High, and he said he did too, so we went over to his house (ten minute train ride, half-hour walk – again!) and chilled there for a few hours. So what am I doing now? Well I wrote half of that last night, and it is now Wednesday night! Yep! I got off last night after the “TJ scares girls” part and I got back on to the rest this evening.

Oh, and my dad got a scanner today – and damnit, it doesn’t work on his PC! However, I will get it working – and I will scan a hell of a lot of stuff for you! Now… Jamie, I am in one of those spells of utter love for you. I can’t think of anything else. Oh, what can I do? My net isn’t working at all, so I can’t check for emails from you… and even if I could, you would be at the hostel, so I couldn’t talk to you… and it hurts. I think about you constantly. I sometimes stare into space and wonder where you are – what you are doing. I’m thinking about you right now of course. If I wasn’t I wouldn’t have opened this thing up and begun typing. I want to hear from you. I want to hear your voice. I dream about you saying sweet things in my ear. I dream of your arms around me, my arms around you. Oh how I need you. Jamie-Lee Chapman – I love you with all my being.

So what have you been doing? And tell me about your life! I want to know about your friends, your town, your hobbies… everything that isn’t rugby related! I mean, I’m bored tonigh, with not being able to go online and all… so I think I will talk a bit about my current mates. Lessee.

First off there’s Sgara – the wog. He used to be a nerd, though he’s always been feared – he’s a full on nut. When he was in grade one, he beat the shit out of a grade six kid. A few years ago, he decked a kid, then let him go when the kid was bleeding. The kid spat on him, so Sgara decked him again and broke his fucking nose. Still, Sgara has evolved to become one of the most popular people I know, if not the single most popular guy in school. Funny, I’m still not that popular, damnit. Sgara is an Italian-Australian with a goatee, light sideburns and spiked brown hair that’s been dyed on top to a weird colour… he looks fucking wicked. I hate punks, so he is the only person I know who has spiked hair but looks heaps mad, and nothing like a punk. The two of us have a band of sorts – he makes all the techno and I make all the raps…

Then there’s Kohei. I’ve only known him for a few months, but he was at my school last year, and is staying until the end of the next year. He’s a mad exchange student, he break dances, and he is totally good at English, though sometimes what he says will make no sense – I have to explain words like ‘detention’ , ‘communism’ and ‘embarrassing’. Thank god he always has his little translating computer handy! So yeah, Kohei rules. He has this dyed red hair, like nearly all Japanese people, and it puffs up all naturally, so he looks like some kind of weird rocker who forgot how to shave. He also had these mad trippy glasses with thick blue frames! And he picked up the majority of the western slang from me and Sgara. Like, he is now substituting “That’s crazy!” for “That’s cool!”, like we do, and saying “Dicks for you” instead of too bad, lol.

There Matt and TJ, who kind of come as a package – they live right near each other, so whenever you see one, you usually see the other. Which is weird, cuz they are mate, but they are totally different. Both stoners and drunks. Both the same height. However, TJ has red hair, and bull dog face, freckles, and a total nerdy attitude that masks his true lazy drunk persona. Matt has brown hair, which flops down on either side of his head, like the M from the McDonalds logo. He is thin, and really damn funny, and he has this scar going down the bottom of his nose and down his lip. I don’t remember what it is from, but I think Sgara told me that Matt stabbed himself in the nose with a soldering iron in year eight, when I was in Sydney for nine of the suckiest months of my life. Matt has a fairly good history with the ladies – or did have. He was at our school in year seven, and was a total nerd who I hated. Then he was punched in the face by his step father, and was sent to live with his dad. It just so happens that during this time, he went to the same school as Dean Francis, a 3dmm community member who is really good mates with me. So, yeah. Living with his dad, Matt became a druggie, and actually became cool. He only moved back recently, but he fucking rules!

At school I have a bunch of other mates who are a lot less interesting… Johnson, the guy who moved here from China six years ago. I think he is more my Dads friend than mine – they both love cricket and old war movies, so whenever my dad sees Johnson, they will have some huge discussion that will leave me confused. But he’s still a good bloke, totally friendly. Doesn’t drink or smoke, but still good fun to talk to. Then there’s Mandeep, the smooth Indian homie. He’s fat, but he still attracts chicks with his “playa” attitude and stylish clothes, and the fact that he has burned copies of nearly every r’n’b and hip-hop CD ever. The bastard spent a grand on clothes last week – and he won’t even lend me any. I’m meant to be going to a dance party with him on Friday night. Fuck it, I’d rather stay home and talk to you. I’m sure you will hear all about it from me before you get this letter, though. So yeah, after Mandeep, there’s Ollie. Another Indian – and another of my multi-cultural friends, heh. He’s a short stocky guy, who for some reason has one of my video cases, even though he returned the video last week. Damn little shrimp. I also think he likes my friend Kim, who is a cute but shy Phillipino girl I used to have a crush on, although she means nothing to me now, I’m all yours!

Argh! I can’t go on the net, I can’t get anything decent on TV, just Australian survivor, The Guardian and Third Watch… and tomorrow my PC will be packed up for when I move on Friday, so I wont be able to type any of this letter…damn! I visited my new house for the first time today. My new room is bigger than my current one, so there’s room for a double bed, that I’ll buy for whenever you can come over here, heh. The house itself is small, and you can see the PC from the kitchen, which sucks, so I’ll have to be very discreet about talking to you online. But who cares. I love you. I’ll find a way. Okay, this should be enough tonight, and tomorrow night. I’ll write something good though on Friday night, and when I talk to you, I’ll get some interesting topics to write about! So it’s all good!

Oh yeah, and today on the way to Matts, so old fart on a bike rode past us, ringing his little bell, and Sgara goes “Ring Ring”, and the guy goes “Ring Ding? Yeah, I have one!” and laughs at his own stupid joke. So we pretend to laugh with him before Sgara yells out “HAHAHA fuckhead! Come back here and… and… I’ll….steal your bike!” Which made us laugh so hard it hurt. Dunno why though.

Okay, now it’s thurday afternoon, 4pm, and you aren’t home! Damn. Anyway what happened today. I had Visual Communications in the morning. One female friend of mine came up to me in the store room and said she wanted me to finger her. I said “nup, I am in love with someone else, I don’t want to do any of that with anyone but her anymore…” She said she would give me head if I did. I still said no. The rest of the day was kinda boring. Nothing much happened… I made fun of a kid with a Luke Skywalker haircut, Sgara’s friend Stacey dyed her hair black, but in the light, it looks blue, which was kinda funny. And I had to explain the words “Health Insurance” and “hire” to Kohei. And I hate Maths. Yep.

Booyakka! It’s Sunday afternoon. Last night’s convo with you was one of the best conversations of my life! You continue to amaze me. Right now, I’m scanning these horrible photos of me… blech… how come I look so good when I pose in the mirror, yet on film, I am so painfully ugly? Meh. So yeah, this weekend has been quite boring, apart from talking to you. Today I went to the pool hall with Kohei, TJ, my dad and my brother. We played many games of pool, and I lost regretfully in most of them except the last one, where Kohei and I beat TJ and Josh. Heh, “You Give Me Something” is on the radio right now… mad! So yeah, anyway. TJ asked my dad to buy him alcohol, and my dad was pissed off. But then he dropped TJ off at the liquor store, lol. Crazy. But yeah, because my dad is a postie and only has a postie van, we all had to ride in the back, which of course is illegal, but nevertheless I took nineteen more photos, heh. So I will eventually have some quite weird photos of me, TJ, Kohei and my shoes. Heh.

Okay so it’s now Monday night. You saw the photos, and restored my faith in life by saying it didn’t matter what I looked like (you are one in a million) and now I’m bored out of my fucking mind. You said you would be online tonight, but you aren’t! Grr… but it’s okay, serious, I know you must have a good reason. I miss you so much! And I love your emails! Goddamn I need you – I wanna ***** your ****** lips and lick you till you scream! Erm… nobody better see these emails but you babe! Heh.

Tuesday night. Nothing happened today except hearing “Nothing else matters” and “For whom the bell tolls” on the radio during my graphics class, heh. You just went offline – time for me to write you an ‘interesting’ email. So I won’t write anything else here tonight except my usual feelings – I love you. Not only that. I want to be in a fully serious relationship with you. I’d marry you if we were both old enough and independent. Yes, you mean that much to me. Now… onto the x-rated email!

Now it’s Wednesday night. Yeah, last night I lay in bed naked (lol), thinking about you. Nothing else could get in my head. A vision of you kept me awake all night. So I got up and wrote you a letter – not any letter but I letter that I wrote in my head while lying in bed and had to get up and write in case I forgot any of it. My goddess, my love. You are everything to me. But yeah… today, me and Sgara kept making fun of Stacey, calling her ‘Bluebeard’ etc, and Sgara said “Hey, she looks like Rei Oyanami” (a chick from an anime cartoon who has blue hair) and I replied “Nah, Rei had tits”. That got him laughing, meh. And we had this crazy Japanese lesson. Johnson and I had prepared a talk, in Japanese, and all the pairs did their talks, which were good, but then afterward the teacher said “Now, find a new partner, you have five minutes to make up a new conversation.”

(This is the part were Cal adds the lyrics for NWA – Chin Check. I really can’t be arsed typing the whole thing out. I’ve typed too much already.)

So I just drew, scanned and emailed you a picture. A weird one, as you no doubt noticed. It’s like, a demon. But it’s really fucking freaky. I don’t know what it is. It has bits and pieces of the creature from “Alien”, I guess, but I do know what it was supposed to represent – the fear of living without you, and of losing you. When I talk to you, it keeps those fears at bay, pushing back the darkness with you radiant light. Heh. I need you, I dream about you, and I know you feel the same. Goddamn I need to hear your voice.

(BLAH BLHA BORING PARAGRAPH I CANT BE FUCKED TYPING OUT ABOUT GOING TO A PLAY. To sum it up, he went to The Twelfth Night, had Hungry Jacks for tea, garden was covered in bats or something. My hands are sore.)

Nothing else to do today, Sgaras off drinking with some guys I don’t know and I can’t be fucked hanging around with the others because:

A) I’m staying at Jonno’s on Sunday with Kohei.
B) Tristan and Matt both picked up the other day, but the girls are both horrible evil skanks!

So I don’t wanna hang around with any of them. But… yeah. I might end this letter today, I’m just waiting on those photos before I send it to you! I will await your reply eagerly, don’t put anything graphic about drugs, alcohol, or sex, because my family members WILL see it! Just keep it all online, babe. But remember, if we talk on the phone, we can talk about anything… heh.

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye – love takes off the masks we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. We are all born for love, it is the principal of existence, and it’s the end… and wherever there is love, there is life. This, Jamie, is all true – all true about you and I. We will be together. I know it to be true.

Love and life forever yours,

Cal Flavell.